The Den of Debauchery's Subannex

Since I'm not there, I've been doing a little searching and thinking and meditating.

What do I believe?
Why do I believe it?
Where do I go from here?

My Articles of Faith:
We are all part of the universe. We are energy made material for a little while by way of E=mc^2. Which means there's a lot of energy invested in each of us and if we press on our corner of reality right, we can affect the whole.

Gods are the constructs we make to understand the universe (given reality and power by the energy we lend them). Myths are the stories we tell ourselves about the way the world works. Both of these are vital and true, but should not be taken for fact.

The gods only affect us if we allow them to, by believing in them. A few have enough power, lent them by other people in our lives, or previously by us, to affect us if we don't/no longer believe in them.

Truth and fact have very little to do with each other. Facts are usually true. Truth encompasses many things that have no relationship to fact at all. All myths are true, because they fill a need in the hearer and the teller, a need to understand the world around them. Does observed fact bear out the idea of turtles all the way down? No, of course not. But the story is still true.


Now, where do I go from here?
I've been thinking a lot this fall. I'm not entirely happy with my church. One one hand, I see myself as in a position to do something about the problems I see in it. On the other, I keep asking myself if I really have that much time and energy to devote to anything, especially other people.

I am radically selfish. I hoard my time and energy jealously. I get it. My writing gets it. My company gets it. My family gets it. Anything left over goes out to other people. That is NOT a good quality in a spiritual leader.

I resent being made to leave the house these days. Even for work and grocery shopping, I resent it. And I find this deeply troubling. I blow off a lot of things I want to do. "Writer's Group? nah. Church? do I gotta? Chili cook-off and craftfair? Bleh. Gay pride? Whine, please no." (I did go out to Pride yesterday, but I almost didn't) This scares me, because it's a sign of addiction and a sign of budding agorophobia.

It would be easier to go solitary, show up for sabbats and do my own thing otherwise. It'd probably be healthier for me in the long run. BUT.

I'm a woman of a certain age. I grew up with a sense of obligation to the whole universe for simply letting me exist. I want Oli to grow up with a better spiritual connection than I have. Do these outweigh my selfishness, my need to husband my energy so I can make it through another week of work, another deadline, another tutoring session or another band concert? I haven't decided yet.

From the Prayer Wheel

At the center of the universe is a
loving heart that continues to beat
and that wants the best for every person.

Anything we can do to help foster
the intellect and spirit and emotional growth
of our fellow human beings, that is our job.

Those of us who have this particular vision
must continue against all odds.

Life is for service.

mister rogers neighborhood - fred rogers - 1928-2003

Been thinking hard on this idea, ever since I first saw it. ::massages aching brain.::

My uberstory has to be Fall and Redemption. One character falls in some way and redeemed by the love of the other. The fall can be sexual, physical or emotional.

The physical is often called "hurt/comfort."

Sexual, I tend to refer to as "the Magdalene Myth" More correctly it could be called the story of Hosea. (For those who aren't up on minor prophets: Hosea married a slut. She gave him three kids [he claimed them as his] and left him for her lover. Her lover put her to working the streets, but Hosea made sure she was taken care of, without her knowing. Eventually, she came back to him, and renounced her wickedness. He took her back and loved her.)

Sometimes, I only show the fall. Sometimes, there is no redemption. Sometimes I just feel fluffy and ignore deep themes to write a quick BJ. But the big stories, the stories I'm proudest of, deal in this.

"Lost Blue" is a Fall story. Han didn't take his redemptive moment in ANH and the whole galaxy is paying the consequences.

"What Says the Wind?" is a Redemption story. Luke has fallen long before we see him. But through Ben Kenobi's teaching, he's freed, while Han's love gives him a wholeness, a balance between the sex slave he started as and the celibate Jedi he became. Han brings him fully back to being human, neither a subhuman toy nor a superhuman warrior.

"Illugi's Saga" is a quest story, the redemption there is not for our heroes, but for Ani Owanson, who is returned to mortal life through the love of his son for him, and the love of Han for Illugi/Luke.

"Hunter in the Shadows" is a literal descent into hell to retrieve the beloved.

"Off-duty" is set in the Mirror-verse. It's an ugly Fall story from McCoy's PoV, but within his compliance, Spock begins to exhibit both desire and gentleness for the man whose mind he has turned inside out. The redemption is only slight, and still very dark.

The Indy stuff is, so far, all Fall oriented and it's not showing any sign of redemptive themes. (Marcus/Henry is just fluff)

My Simon & Simon tends to the fluffy (or PWP), which doesn't lend itself to big themes.

It was rough.

Sat, there was a parents meeting for the play. Bunny is a Birch tree dryad, Jonner and Obi are part of the Witch's Army.

I did my gorcery shopping

Saturday night my alarm system shorted out. A pumper truck, 2 police and the fire chief had to be appeased and apologized to. And the neighbors had to be soothed

Sunday I slept far too late. I did laundry. There was a showing of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe for the cast. We went. Jonner sat on my lap for almost an hour of it. Then, supper and I had to get ready for work. We counted a CompUSA. Took about 3 hours, which means we were over-staffed, because it's a 4hr inventory.

Did some assesment on erotic vs. squicky rape.
Some thoughts behind the cut-tag.
( Read more... )

( Here's why slash is NOT porn )

I like this structural definition better than the "Treats characters like objects as opposed to people" definition that the Erotica vs Porn panel came up with.

Or:
"She read porn.
You like erotica.
I like love stories with some physical aspects."

Various fic ideas:

A world without textiles. Nudists.

Macho Merry/Pippin. Sitting round, cleaned up after the taking of Isengard, having dinner, smoking, snogging. Just doing guy-hobbit stuff. No toe-licking. Ewww.

Raging headache from a feminist parenting discussion that claimed women who didn't make enough to take care of their families were slacking and worthless. Hello, if I made enough to take care of a family, I wouldn't need a husband. (Despite loving hubby, I'm not even sure I'd want a husband if I could make it on my own)
Their arguments are the exact flip-side of the guy who said women should not be educated because if they are able to take care of themselves, they are more likely to divorce.

Both sides give me a headache, both piss me off, and both devalue the nonpaid work done in running a household. There has to be a middle ground between "One size career fits all, even when it doesn't." and "Chain the bitch to the stove so she don't run away."

Maybe I've been drinking too much diet pop. I'm very irascible.

So, the hypothetical came up: What if women were forbidden to work outside the home, and prohibited from starting their own businesses within it?

My immediate thought was “There will be a lot of suicide, and a rising alcoholism rate. The economy will plunge into chaos. Employers would have to pay men a living wage for this to be anywhere near feasible.”

Consider, if every woman quit working tomorrow…
Most schoolteachers, nurses, domestics, janitorial staff, wait staff, retail clerks and librarians will be gone. No school. No hospital care. No motel rooms or malls getting cleaned. Noone working behind the counters in shops. No one waiting tables. No daycare workers, but then, no one needs daycare if women aren’t working.

Would every male in America go out and get a job? There would be plenty going begging.

Then comes the wide-spread poverty. In some places, women are the community. Men are the predators around the edges, useful only for sex before they are hauled off and incarcerated.

If women are unemployable, girls will marry much younger. A way of getting out of the house. Of course, if wages don’t go up, men will quit marrying and having children, since they can’t support them. Especially since the daughters will live at home until they are married. And if the girls are being policed by their families (who don’t want “soiled goods” which will be impossible to get rid of, and/or an extra mouth to feed), sexual outlets for men will be greatly reduced. Prostitution could reach heights unknown since the Victorian era. Since they would be the only women who had money, it would be a popular dumping ground for the spoiled girls.

Divorce would have to be illegal, just for the women’s protection. After all, if she can’t work, she can’t support herself, and divorcing her would be tantamount to killing her by starvation.

I think it could be significantly uglier than it was during the last couple centuries. Even then, women worked, usually lower class ones, and there were always the unconventional and adventurous. (Husband’s grandmother was the first female optometrist in OH) But were convention given the weight of law, I think it could be a nightmare.

Much of this is my response to a man who claimed the divorce rate skyrocketed when women started being educated and able to support themselves, and that literacy for women should be illegal. The worst part is, he was serious. (His own wife has an 8th grade education, does not drive and will be hard-put when he leaves her)

it's been a hellacious week.

So this morning, the gal from Charlotte says unkind things about crafters. I hated the "if it's women's work it's oppressive and not worth doing" subtext of her article.
http://www.charlotte.com/mld/observer/entertainment/performing_arts/5460/5460889.htm

OK, so working with our hands doesn't remove the fear. But it soothed me in those dreadful post 9/11 days until I could think and act. It continues to soothe me so I can sleep and maintain a semblence of normalcy for my kids. Also the idea of sewing as oppressive: so ill-fitting clothing isn't? I sew from necessity. I have to make a pair of pants tonight.
For 2 hours work, i'll have something useful for my actual work. If she shoots hoops for 2 hours, what will she have to show?


And I got word that my squares for an exchange weren't right. Damn but claret and burgundy look alike in the dark!

No mail yet, says hubby. Hope my hat comes. Gonna fasten buttons in the braid around it. Hope I still have my "Graduate Han Solo School of Hyperdrive Repair" one.

Hubby answered the phone "Schuster, Shyster and Scheister."
I asked for "Schiller."

Pricing button maker. Will see what buttons are selling for at MWC. And what size is popular.

Got the TIE fighter square done. Must size up to match Alliance insignia.
Starting X-wing.

blah. Just blah.

The New Year's writing meme

Shamelessly gacked from destina

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?

I never predict. I write what the bunnies tell me to.
But I did write a fair bit. Eight zine stories, three poems, several round robin chapters, including one for the Star Wars Erotica Forum (het and lez, ewwww), the VaderxLeia piece, and two Han/Luke pieces, including the one I'll post tonight.


What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January 2002?

Spock/McCoy. Lexi Dio/Padme. Het!Obi. (Straight Jedi. What a Concept!)

What's your favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest.

I am happiest with "Illugi's Saga" because of the background work that went into it. It flows so well.

Did you take any writing risks this year? (See above for unexpected pairings, etc.) What did you learn from them?

I wrote a scholarly paper. that was a huge risk because I've been out of school for 11 years.

I also wrote a semi-con vampire story in an egalitarian fandom (vampires are all about power), as well as the "talk dirty to me" piece. I learned that i can push the boundaries, as long as i listen to the characters.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year?

Write more. Write faster.

Nothing witty. Nothing Fannish.
Just remembering my grandfather, Tech Sgt H.J. Wymer, who died on this day eight years ago. If your grandfather or other relative flew over North Africa with Sgt Wymer in his radio room, I'd love to hear from you. (This includes folks stationed in England or Italy with that unit)



In Flanders Fields
by Lt. Col. John McCrae, M.D. (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.