valarltd: (sex2--luke)
This is SO not work-safe. Doing this up for the EC Hex Appeal call
Read more... )
valarltd: (kitchenwitch)
This has been knocking around the Net for years. Me, I'm a cross between the Monster Truck pagan, the Techno-pagan and I am not Spock (at the Moment). I'm aspiring to Faerie Queen.

Field Guide to Neo-Paganism

Bright-Eyed Novice
You just read this cool book about a religion where there’s a Goddess and a God, and they meet outside in nature, instead of some scary old building. They think sex is good not evil, and you want to know where to sign up.
Distinguishing Signs: Mispronounces god/dess names, has to think a moment about which is deosil and which is widdershins. Has a shiny new athame (rhymes with “A-frame”.)
Read more... )
valarltd: (Default)
None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad --I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you're scared -- we will high-tail it out of here.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much w orse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick --Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I'll pick you up and dust you off...after I laugh my butt off.

9. This is my oath.
I pledge it to the end.
'Why?' you may ask
-- because you are my FRIEND!

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
valarltd: (Default)
You know what I want?
Tina Fey to do Sarah Palin in the debate bursting into the Moose Song to derail the topic.

For those who don't know it, the Moose Song is under the cut:
and it's moose, moose, I likes a moose )
valarltd: (pagan)
Pagans for Preemies.

Mudd, last night, asked "Do modern witches ride vacuum cleaners?" my response was "No, Roombas." He grinned and said "Tenser's Floating Disc, eh?"

Viking Bubbas, bass fishing off the longboat

And a goofy plot bunny:
Sigurd dies in battle and is awaiting the valkyries. He sees them swooping down and one long slim strong hand seizes him and hauls him up over the horse's withers. "Ho yo to ho, big boy," says the pretty boy in a dress with long blond braids, bells at his wrists and no beard. "Freyja got swamped so her brother loaned a bunch of us over to her. We'll be crossing the *ahem* Rainbow Bridge in just a moment."
(I'm tired of all these butch macho guys in m/m. I want to write a full on screaming drag queen. Priests of Frey were. They dressed as women, danced with bells on, and had sex with men)
valarltd: (Default)
The Asian restaurant you don't want to eat at:
Wokking the Dog.

I blame [ profile] zeronine09
valarltd: (Default)
I have discovered the secret to self-promotion:

cleavage pictures and conjoined lesbian twincest.
valarltd: (angry luke)
This is another for [ profile] fanthropology's Fake Paranoia Rants. I will personally hunt you down and kick your ass if I find you using this to make a SERIOUS argument.

Read more... )
valarltd: (angry luke)
Write the biggest, most paranoid, obnoxious rant about your fandom

Queer Communist Monkeymen: the evil of Star Wars.

Read more... )
valarltd: (Default)

Read more... )
valarltd: (Default)
Our forums get a bit rowdy, and one of our resident clowns stuck us all in the WWE
Read more... )


Apr. 18th, 2005 12:05 am
valarltd: (boots by elke)
From our "I can't make this shit up" department:

The Obi-Wan Kenobi Lightsaber
With "Feel the Force" Vibrating Action!

There are no words for the smutty places my mind went.
valarltd: (Default)
So, i'm tired of this waistlength mass of hair. It's heavy, it's miserably hot. It takes for-freakin'-ever to dry.

Since it's getting shot with grey, I decided to go ahead and cut it.
I meant to go to my shoulders.

::insert much swearing::

I think the term is "crew cut."
Ooops. Oops isn't even close to enough. Fuckses, precious!

Damn. It hasn't looked this bad since I had the perm and trimmed my bangs too short back in college.

So, new icon...
valarltd: (Default)
So We have clementines, which are tiny tangerines. Obi took one in his lunch. His pal, Jake, said "Dang that's a little orange!" Obi looked at it and said "Oh man! Mom washed 'em. They were dry-clean only!"
valarltd: (Default)

A Chick Tract about the Elder Gods.
They're coming and everyone is Doooooomed!

Spread the word! If you're insane they eat you first!
valarltd: (dancer)
A True Irish Love Poem An absolute riot. I wish someone loved me that much.
cut for full text )
valarltd: (pants by tzikeh)
This is a hoot
Especially since I've done most of those at one time or another.

But this: Star Wars>

Public Humiliation: 82.1%
Before the lame-ass new Star Wars movies, we might have let it go if we saw a Lando Calrissian or an Ewok waiting in line for a movie. Not anymore. Anyone disguised as a Jedi in this day and age had better have been helped into that costume by a caregiver assigned by the state to assist their special needs. Related Trivia Fact: Admiral Ackbar is the guy with the fish head from Return of the Jedi that screams things like, “Shorshenblorg borshchortle!”

Damage to Sex Life: 54.6% (Debateable, in my opinion. Depends on your costume, your face and your attitude. Can range from "no way in the nine Sith Hells!" to "can have any woman he wants." My luck tends more to the former)

Dressing like Darth Vader creates a number of sexual obstacles. First you have to find someone who doesn’t mind dating the dark lord of geeks, (Sith Chicks!) and from this point on the sentence is moot since you won’t, and then they have to safely be able to dig their way through your codpiece of cybernetic space enhancements. Impossible.
(Not for one skilled in the Slutty Side of the Force)

Plus, the speech that Darth Vader gave to Natalie Portman in Episode II (about how she was so great because she wasn’t like sand) is going to hang over the heads of evil single Jedi for generations.

On the other hand, the strict moral code of the good Jedi prevents them from touching naked women with anything other than a light saber. And that, of course, would kill them.

On the third hand, I have this theory I’ve been meaning to test that jumping into a room naked and screaming like Chewbacca would be super erotic. Keep in mind, however, that my last theory, “Wouldn’t it be sweet if these were like, FLYING condoms?” went largely ignored by the sex community.

Distinguishing Characteristics: Overweight, casually strolling into the center of the room, and then when you least expect it, bursting into a blinding Jedi combat storm with a golf ball retriever.
valarltd: (zoo)
A Screamingly Funny Site:
The Book of Ratings
Everything from Star Wars Legos, to stuff from the Dollar Store to Norse Gods and D&D monsters.
samples that had me rolling )

What a day.
I have a cold. Bunny may be coming down with strep, (not to be confused with Streep, we're still waiting on that Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe callback) which means we'll all have it soon.
We were overderawn by $250 at lunch time. I got my paycheck, which was a whopping $46 for fondling all those padded bras at Victoria's Secret.
I have to work tomorrow.
I'm hungry and all I want is a beautiful rare steak. I'm getting turkey potpie.

No writing available. No inspiration. Maybe I shall give myself a 15 muinute challenge on each story under construction.

August 2017



RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Oct. 17th, 2017 03:49 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios