It's Festival of Souls time
Oct. 17th, 2010 10:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valarltdSince I'm not there, I've been doing a little searching and thinking and meditating.
What do I believe?
Why do I believe it?
Where do I go from here?
My Articles of Faith:
We are all part of the universe. We are energy made material for a little while by way of E=mc^2. Which means there's a lot of energy invested in each of us and if we press on our corner of reality right, we can affect the whole.
Gods are the constructs we make to understand the universe (given reality and power by the energy we lend them). Myths are the stories we tell ourselves about the way the world works. Both of these are vital and true, but should not be taken for fact.
The gods only affect us if we allow them to, by believing in them. A few have enough power, lent them by other people in our lives, or previously by us, to affect us if we don't/no longer believe in them.
Truth and fact have very little to do with each other. Facts are usually true. Truth encompasses many things that have no relationship to fact at all. All myths are true, because they fill a need in the hearer and the teller, a need to understand the world around them. Does observed fact bear out the idea of turtles all the way down? No, of course not. But the story is still true.
Now, where do I go from here?
I've been thinking a lot this fall. I'm not entirely happy with my church. One one hand, I see myself as in a position to do something about the problems I see in it. On the other, I keep asking myself if I really have that much time and energy to devote to anything, especially other people.
I am radically selfish. I hoard my time and energy jealously. I get it. My writing gets it. My company gets it. My family gets it. Anything left over goes out to other people. That is NOT a good quality in a spiritual leader.
I resent being made to leave the house these days. Even for work and grocery shopping, I resent it. And I find this deeply troubling. I blow off a lot of things I want to do. "Writer's Group? nah. Church? do I gotta? Chili cook-off and craftfair? Bleh. Gay pride? Whine, please no." (I did go out to Pride yesterday, but I almost didn't) This scares me, because it's a sign of addiction and a sign of budding agorophobia.
It would be easier to go solitary, show up for sabbats and do my own thing otherwise. It'd probably be healthier for me in the long run. BUT.
I'm a woman of a certain age. I grew up with a sense of obligation to the whole universe for simply letting me exist. I want Oli to grow up with a better spiritual connection than I have. Do these outweigh my selfishness, my need to husband my energy so I can make it through another week of work, another deadline, another tutoring session or another band concert? I haven't decided yet.
What do I believe?
Why do I believe it?
Where do I go from here?
My Articles of Faith:
We are all part of the universe. We are energy made material for a little while by way of E=mc^2. Which means there's a lot of energy invested in each of us and if we press on our corner of reality right, we can affect the whole.
Gods are the constructs we make to understand the universe (given reality and power by the energy we lend them). Myths are the stories we tell ourselves about the way the world works. Both of these are vital and true, but should not be taken for fact.
The gods only affect us if we allow them to, by believing in them. A few have enough power, lent them by other people in our lives, or previously by us, to affect us if we don't/no longer believe in them.
Truth and fact have very little to do with each other. Facts are usually true. Truth encompasses many things that have no relationship to fact at all. All myths are true, because they fill a need in the hearer and the teller, a need to understand the world around them. Does observed fact bear out the idea of turtles all the way down? No, of course not. But the story is still true.
Now, where do I go from here?
I've been thinking a lot this fall. I'm not entirely happy with my church. One one hand, I see myself as in a position to do something about the problems I see in it. On the other, I keep asking myself if I really have that much time and energy to devote to anything, especially other people.
I am radically selfish. I hoard my time and energy jealously. I get it. My writing gets it. My company gets it. My family gets it. Anything left over goes out to other people. That is NOT a good quality in a spiritual leader.
I resent being made to leave the house these days. Even for work and grocery shopping, I resent it. And I find this deeply troubling. I blow off a lot of things I want to do. "Writer's Group? nah. Church? do I gotta? Chili cook-off and craftfair? Bleh. Gay pride? Whine, please no." (I did go out to Pride yesterday, but I almost didn't) This scares me, because it's a sign of addiction and a sign of budding agorophobia.
It would be easier to go solitary, show up for sabbats and do my own thing otherwise. It'd probably be healthier for me in the long run. BUT.
I'm a woman of a certain age. I grew up with a sense of obligation to the whole universe for simply letting me exist. I want Oli to grow up with a better spiritual connection than I have. Do these outweigh my selfishness, my need to husband my energy so I can make it through another week of work, another deadline, another tutoring session or another band concert? I haven't decided yet.
