Three questions, a bit on the squicky side

[valarltd]

1) Is this passage offensive and triggering? Does it hit body issues and necessitate hurling the book across the
room?

"She looked better than any woman he'd seen or imagined in ages. Certainly more attractive than Melanie's slightly pouchy pale belly, with the scars on it, or Ardis' large but sagging breasts. Better even than he'd imagined Annie looking."


2) Does this put our hero out of "honorable rake, even if he patronizes whores" and into "really gross rapist" category? (he's a former soldier, after all)

"Matt felt his cock wake up. It had been a while since he'd had a woman, and Paz gleamed in the twilight not ten yards from him.

Had he been a younger man, he'd have taken what he wanted. But age had sobered him, and watching Paz had taught him such an act would be worth his life. He ran one hand over the bulge in his pants."


3) Does anyone have a strong enough stomach to beta Alive on the Inside? This one needs a harder hand than anything else we've done. Naomi and I are considering approaching a paper-based publisher.

Comments

[tannenwynn.livejournal.com]

1) I kind of agree with the others... Prolly not a good thing there.

2) I think it puts him out of honorable rake, but not quite into really gross rapist. Maybe if there was more context, I could judge. "...Taken what he wanted." could mean he quickly seduces her. I donno... I'm just typing things at this point of my morning. ^_^

3) What is required of a beta? I have a strong stomach, as I do read Cthulhu mythos erotica on a semi-regular basis--that stuff gets pretty damned gross sometimes. Of course, my sick ass just keeps reading! ^__^ And it's possible you'd get a two-for-one around here, since my hubby is about as twisted as me (I count this as a good thing!) Shoots me an e-mail at tannenwynn at gmail dot. com.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

A beta reads the story, understanding it is at the draft stage.
They comment on plot, structure, characters, and especially anything that is awkward, badly handled or throws them out of the story.

Like the passages above. A beta would have flagged the first and said "This is really judgmental and makes me not like Matt much right now."

For instance, my mother flagged a couple of things with the above story, one major, one minor: 1) The villain is a pinch-penny miser. He needs a really really good reason to pay a hired killer. He doesn't have one. 2) The smallest amount of land Matt could homestead was a quarter section. (she didn't know how many acres) and she told me about my great-grandfather and his brothers homesteading.

[tannenwynn.livejournal.com]

Okie dokies! You can sign me up. ^_^ I'd be more than happy to help.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

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