Stuck on a touchy piece of writing

[valarltd]

Shell-shocked is a piece Naomi and I are working on at the moment.

It's touchy in a lot of ways. There are political, religious and disability issues brought up in it.


We want to make sure of a few things:
1) We're not exploiting disability or mental illness.

2) We're not exploiting or being disrespectful to veterans.

3) We're not squicking our audience by presenting a pair of disabled lovers.

4) Our guys are likeable and strong enough to carry the story.

5) We're getting the religion right and not being idiots about it.

Anyone who wants to help, bounce over, have a read of the first 9K words, and tell me your opinion.

We're thinking of going novel length and we want it to work.

Comments

[samcdermott65.livejournal.com]

1. I don't get the impression that you are being exploitative. You are not speaking down about disabilities and you certainly are not glamorizing them. You are sharing something that is very real in our society. Some may find it disturbing. I do not.

2. I feel no disrespect is being given to veterans. You are, once again, portraying a part of today's reality. Unfortunately it sucks, but you are doing it tastefully.

3. I'm not squicked. I like the fact that you have an unusual pairing. So far, it's been tastefully done. Even people who have disabilities need love and affection.

4. They are definitely likable. I'm really digging Gabe. I like the way neither one shies away from the other's disabilities. I like the way that they are helping one another. Appears to be a very positive relationship at this point.

5. Ah... Religion. One of my hot buttons. So far, you are providing interesting tid bits about Gabe's pagan ways. It's being done in a way that these two are trying to get to know one another and Sean is curious about it so there's discussion. Doesn't come across a preachy or self righteous. I really hate that. Be careful not to cross that fine line.

Something separate from the above. Love the name Sean Michael Dempsey. I got a kick out of the Sean Michael part and the fact that your character rights romances. Then you mentioned the Jarheads books. Couldn't help but be amused.

So far, I'm liking this story.

shari

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

I missed the Jarheads reference. (unless I called some Marines "jarheads") And I never thought of the name as anything but very very Irish. The writer is because that can be done from home, and works with his agorophobia.

Hadn't planned to do much more religious talking, except the whole "Sorry you're hospitalized now. we're gonna miss dancing at Imbolc."

[samcdermott65.livejournal.com]

With this character's name the first person I thought of was Sean. :)

The Jarhead reference was here or at least I interpreted it as such:

>Lately, he'd been seeing a lot more calls for gay romances. Bless >Billary and Don't Ask, Don't Tell, he thought as he saved his editing on >the treacly Christmas cowboy piece. He'd put in a good hour on a science >fiction story, getting six pages written. Typing wasn't his strongest >skill. The edits had taken another hour and a half. Now it was his time >and he'd found a great idea under the soap dish in the shower this >morning.

I hope the feedback helped some.

shari

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

It sure did. Thank you so much.

Nice to know we're not out on a limb with this.
I felt like we were really getting whacko

[samcdermott65.livejournal.com]

Cool!

This is one story that could easily turn that way. You'll need to remain cognizant of that throughout writing this story. Right now, it's the start of a what will ultimately be a loving, caring relationship.

shari

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

That's exactly where we're trying to keep it.

Sean becomes Gabe's legs. Gabe talks Sean back from the edge when he's freaking.

Then there are complications... false abuse reports, pneumonia, eviction, etc. And they cope.

[samcdermott65.livejournal.com]

Sounds like it's going to get a bit ugly, but real life isn't all peaches and cream. I wish it were. I'm very interested to see how this turns out.

shari