Playing with a touchy notion

[valarltd]

So, my hero for NaNo: Chuck Hummingbird

He's mid-thirties, Cherokee and gorgeous. He drives a petroleum truck between Seattle and Bozeman MT (about 680 miles, 1 way) He is very good friends with a man at the refinery: John Littlefeather (either in charge of the driver, or the foreman, but definitely of some authority).

When he takes his paperwork in, the exchange goes like this.

Chuck grinned as he opened the office door. Time for one of his favorite games. He wiped the smile off his face and assumed the standard Hollywood "Stoic Indian" face as he put the bill of lading on John's desk. "Got'um heap big load, Littlefeather. You got'um place to hitch steel pony?"

John looked up at him, his face impassive. "Hitch'um in slot two tens, Hummingbird. Great White Mother on coast send red errand boy to steal Injun wampum again."

They could go back and forth for hours, each trying to make the other laugh with the ridiculous pidgen. The loser had to buy the winner lunch. So far they were evenly tied.

Fred Halfmoon opened the door as they launched into a third volley and dropped the clipboard. "How dare you? A century and a half of work and you two are in here acting like...like Hollywood savages."

Both men looked at him and laughed. Chuck looked back at John. "I think we're both buying Fred lunch today, huh?"




Is the above offensive? If you came across it in the first chapter of a romance novel, would you hurl the book across the room? Does it play to stereotypes--other than mockingly--that are damaging? Chuck only uses that sort of language around John. He's very aware of the stereotypes, just as he's always aware of the tatoo on his right bicep (his earliest memory is of being herded into a gymnasium with everyone else and being tattooed. He was three.) and just as he's aware that Lone Star has declared open hunting season on Native Americans and Mexicans, complete with a coyote-like bounty.

Comments

[grlnamedlucifer.livejournal.com]

I think it's fine, personally. (Not being part of any minority myself, you can take or leave that.) But I agree with reannon, I wouldn't make it the first impression you get of them. People are less likely, I think, to be offended if they know the character a bit first and can clearly see they're just joking around and that's not normally how they speak. (Which you did make clear, but it's still a first impression sort of thing.)

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

Good idea. Maybe toward the end of the first chapter...