Harry Potter and the Half-Baked Spoilers

[valarltd]

Spoil me! You have until actual book release. After that, I will be voraciously devouring the book and NOT reading LJ.

BUT

They must be FAKE spoilers.
Give it to me weird. (Draco elopes with the Giant Squid, and Hogwarts collapses out of jealousy in Chapter 12!)
Give it to me funny. (During the climactic battle, Harry and Voldemort cross the wands and everyone dies in the subsequent shower of twinkies the size of Central Park and roasted marshmallow goo)
Give it to me utterly mundane. (page 27. "it" "the" Chapter 2 "red hair")



So spoil me!
Thanks acrossthestars.

Comments

[dramaticpirate.livejournal.com]

Ron & Harry finally hook up in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, but Ron leaves Harry when he realizes Harry is really in love with Aragog.

[atalantapendrag.livejournal.com]

Voldemort's been controlling Ginny ever since CoS (there's the link!). She's going to lure Harry into the sack and try to kill him mid-shag.

[oxbastetxo.livejournal.com]

Luna Lovegood will try to off Hermione to get Ron all to herself by the 10th chapter, but Harry will find out and he'll use one of the twins dungbombs to distract her at the last moment, but unknown to everyone, Ginny and Draco will elope.

[ladynaberrie.livejournal.com]

Hagrid and Hermione get it on.

[jlm121.livejournal.com]

Harry and Draco realizing that the world will never accept their love make a suicide pact. Draco dressed as Juliet awaits for his Romeo in the forbidden forest only to get a better offer and run off with a group of centaurs.

Oh, and in the last chapter just before he and Voldie duke it out Harry utters the line
"Is that a wand in your cloak or are you just happy to see me?"

[kc-anathema.livejournal.com]

Sirius comes out of the veil with his her sex changed. Remus finds solace in Snape's arms enjoying all the myriad benefits of potions not even found in the Restricted Section of the library.

Harry and Voldemort cross the wands
*dies*

[darklymoonlit.livejournal.com]

Luna reveals the REAL appeal of the Crumplehorned Snarkack. Oh, yeah...

[not-vacillating.livejournal.com]

Hagrid has trimmed his hair and shaved his beard in order to dress more convincingly as a woman.

No, really. On p. 27 he is wearing a blue denim smock, suitable for the outdoor work he's still doing; but by p. 237, he's moved into a orange backless evening dress which gives Ron nightmares and sends dragons into heat.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

The Fat Lady and Nearly-Headless Nick have eloped and their union has put all of Gryffindor at risk. Harry, as is his wont, saves the day.

[deannie.livejournal.com]

Tonks reveals herself to be the forbidden lovechild of Remus and James, as it is a little-known secret that werewolves can change sex during coitus. The ghost of Sirius, enraged by this state of affairs, returns to haunt Remus, but Harry convinces him to reconcile with his former lover, and Harry and Tonks spend days reminiscing about their vague memories of their father while Remus looks on dotingly.

[skogkatt.livejournal.com]

Dudley's brush with the demontors in book five made him gain magical powers. he'll be attending Hogwarts as a first year this year, and although Harry and Ron will make fun of him, he'll hook up wih both Draco and the new American Exchange Student who is so fantastically talented and amazing that the sorting hat won't know where to put her. (Did I mention she also has pink hair and eyes that reall light up?). Together the threesome will save Hogwarts from voldemort, and Dudley will skip all his other years to become the next minister of magic. Harry will be stuck cleaning up regurgitating toilets.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

Spoilers, dear, NOT the hottest thing on FF.N
8)

Poor Harry. Regurgitating toilets. Ugh.

[skogkatt.livejournal.com]

Hey, does Diddy Duddykins actually ever get played up on FF.N?