Stuck on a touchy piece of writing

Shell-shocked is a piece Naomi and I are working on at the moment.

It's touchy in a lot of ways. There are political, religious and disability issues brought up in it.


We want to make sure of a few things:
1) We're not exploiting disability or mental illness.

2) We're not exploiting or being disrespectful to veterans.

3) We're not squicking our audience by presenting a pair of disabled lovers.

4) Our guys are likeable and strong enough to carry the story.

5) We're getting the religion right and not being idiots about it.

Anyone who wants to help, bounce over, have a read of the first 9K words, and tell me your opinion.

We're thinking of going novel length and we want it to work.

Adventures in editing

In interests of maintaining decent author-editor relations, I have removed the names of the offenders.

Dramatis Personae:
E=Editor
A=Angel, your humble narrator

E: "More sex!"
A: "It's 9 sex scenes with a framing plot"
E: "oh yeah."
A: *punches up sex*
E: "Needs more plot!"

E: Flush out the emotions.
A: With what, a diuretic? *mumbles* I do hope she means flesh out

E: Is that position possible? I can't tell who's sucking what.
A: No, I thought I'd throw in a zero-gee clusterfuck. Hey, it's science fiction. And BTW, "wetware" is one word, like hardware and software.

E: "More cowbell!"
A: Buh-zuh?