But of course, they don't call him THAT: Thoughts on the Gay Fairy and the Straight Fairy

[valarltd]

Blog for LGBT families day. This is an illustrated lecture, without cuts.

I talk a lot about GLBT parenting around here. It just seems to come naturally.
I am bisexual, passing for straight. I'm married to a man with trans tendencies. My oldest child, Bun, is openly bisexual.

My kids have gone to Gay Pride for three years now. A couple years ago, drag queens were pausing in the parade route to snap pictures of them, all wearing their matching "I [rainbow heart] my family" t-shirts.
In Memphis, this is a tame affair. We, as a community, are very aware that we live in hostile territory and stepping out of the Gay Neighborhood is not a safe act. Those of us who "pass" live elsewhere, but those who are openly gay tend to stay around Cooper-Young.


Bun came out at the age of 13. She's beautiful and brave and has taken no end of grief about her bisexuality from her peers, from school administrators and from shrinks. The one place she's never had to take any is at home.

This is her first Pride:


The summer she came out was the Summer of Zach. Her first involvement with the GLBT community was the local youth group. Her second was the Love In Action Protests.

She's the one with the brown sign.


The bearded man near her is my husband, Mudd.

This has been as much a journey for my beloved husband as it has for my daughter. Mudd is a Christian. He was always of the fundamentalist stripe. He dealt with my bisexuality mainly by ignoring it. After all, I was married to him and not seeing women.

Bun's has been harder to ignore since she dates both boys and girls. He has spent the last couple years coming to peace with his daughter and his religion and his own past. He's a card carrying PFLAG member (or will be when he re-ups his dues). And a banner-carrying one. He's marched in the last two Pride parades, carrying one end of the PFLAG banner.

This is Mudd, protesting at the "Love Won Out" conference at Central Church--home of Our Lady of Manifest Destiny (the Statue of Liberty holding the cross).


If you don't have Logo, the show documenting this is here:
http://www.logoonline.com/shows/dyn/be_real_2/videos.jhtml
(Mudd turns up around -1.27 of part 5)

The title of my post comes from a comment Bun made. Her shrink, while she was inpatient, had said she could not be gay because she was too young (at 14-15) to have a sexuality. That bisexuality was a phase, either experimentation or hesitation to acknowledge gayness.

Bun looked at the shrink as if she was crazy and said "So when I'm eighteen the Gay Fairy will bonk me on the head and say 'Be fabulous' or the Straight Fairy--but, of course, they don't call him THAT."

At this point the shrink put her on restriction, having never heard that a sense o humor is a sign of an integrated personality. Her dad and I were quite amused at the story.


So where does this leave us?
Protecting an out and proud girl as she makes her way through high school.
Active in the local GLBT community
And waiting and watching, knowing the way will be smoother if the others come out.


This is what a GLBT family looks like--at least when mom's behind the camera and dad is raiding the holiday fudge.

Comments

[saraphina-marie.livejournal.com]

Well, my aunt was closeted from the family for quite some time. I have no idea why. I thought everyone knew. But I guess my grandmother was in denial and my mom can be oblivious. But everyone else knew, including me, which is what she was trying to avoid, but I am pretty fast on the pick-up and it was pretty obvious.
Cousin Denny never hid it from no-body and he is still a fabulous flaming San Francisco queer!
There are rumors that my grandmother's brother, who killed himself at age 16 back in the 30s, was gay and couldn't handle it. So we wonder if that talk about the "gay gene" is true since it seems to run in the family.

But yeah, to quote Francesca Lia Block, "All love that is love is right."
"Normal" is highly overrated. In addition to being a very openly gay-friendly family, we are also a matriarchy wherein ALL the women have powerful, high-paying jobs and are the primary breadwinners. Also, there are mostly women in the family since my grandmother had 3 girls. ^_^

Bun has your grin, your eyes, and that funny cute way you cock your head over. Sorry, ma'am, the girl takes after you!

[reannon.livejournal.com]

I have no gay relatives except my step-nephew (is that a relation?). But I grew up with honorary uncles, friends of my mother, who were gay. To me, it was just another way of being, from the time I was very young and "Uncle Steven" hung around a lot, and "Uncle Kenny and Aunt Jeffrey." I didn't get why they called him "aunt." He introduced me to sasparilla.

I am so, so grateful that my Kiddo is growing up in the social circles we've found.

P.S. I agree with Sara re: Bun. :)

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

I remember you posting about explaining to Kiddo what "gay" was.

We had a talk with Dollface this week, too. She knows it means the way her sister kisses girls. But, it doesn't mean the way her brother wears skirts.