See Angel. See Angel procrastinate

[valarltd]

I overdid again yesterday (therapy session not much choice), and so am alternating between a few minutes at the computer and a few on the floor.

There's a reason for my icon.
It's the same reason "therapist" breaks down into "the rapist."

I do not like or trust our new shrink. The theme of the family session seemed to be "It's All Mom's Fault." Mudd picked up on that, even Bun picked up on that.

I sometimes wonder if being myself is really worth it.

Would life be simpler if I just quit the job, put on the apron and Stepforded about?
If I went into raptures about clean laundry and not about publishing contracts?
If I gave up writing spicy romance and wrote cookbooks? (I've had several people criticize me for the last)
If I gave in to the abusive stalker called God, bullied my family out of bed and into church every Sunday, so they'd know I was "good people?"

The feeling I get is "You've screwed her up by being unconventional. Now be conventional so we can blame you for being a smothering, over-protective soccer-mom."

The question that leaves me with is "Then what?"
What happens in 12 years when the kids are gone?
Do I waft about the rooms of my spotless suburban house, waiting to be useful to grandkids that may or may not come?

I'm just tired.
Tired of the pressure from the school and the state.
Tired of the pressure from the in-laws.
Tired of the pressure from the shrinks.

Before you give me the bit about the diamond being coal under pressure, let me quote from Kipling:
The prudent text-books give it
In tables at the end -
The stress that shears a rivet
Or makes a tie-bar bend -
What traffic wrecks macadam -
What concrete should endure -
But we, poor Sons of Adam,
Have no such literaure,
To warn us or make sure!

--Hymn of the Breaking strain

Comments

[winterknight.livejournal.com]

*comforts* I don't feel that my being a writer has in any way put my kid at risk. My house looks like a bomb hit it, my formal dining room is a sewing/craft area, the loft is my office, and we have 20 year old furniture (all handed down) because if we got new stuff, the dogs couldn't be on it. I'm happy if the bathrooms and kitchen are clean, though the kitchen is cluttered with my daily cooking.

Blaming the mother is an easy out. It's also not constructive. You're completely within your rights to call the therapist on it next time. To me, if a therapist isn't providing useful insight and strategy, they need to hit the road. It's bad for your kid to believe that they are how they are all because you are 'different'. And I say that as a kid from a really horrendous home. It makes them feel inherently flawed and victimized and disempowered. It's one thing to say "you need to learn a new way of doing things" and another to say "you're screwed up because of your family situation". I hope that your therapist smartens up or that you have the option of getting a new one.

Whatever you do, don't quit. To do so is to teach your children that their own dreams aren't worth following. *hugs* Hang in there.

[cbpotts.livejournal.com]

There are no good answers. There will always be people and pressure to conform: if you just stop being an individual, we're told, it'll all get better.

I don't believe that's true. I don't believe a therapist who tells you it is is any good at all. Am I saying that you won't have to make changes? No -- but I don't think making changes you hate is the answer.

I am sending you hugs and good thoughts and all that I can.

[raincitygirl.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry.

At the risk of sounding simplistic and obvious, can you find a new therapist?

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

This is the new shrink. Bun was stringing the other one along.

She's neither pagan nor queer-positive. this is going to be loads of fun.

[jlm121.livejournal.com]

Winning probably isn't an option but detente and an impasse maybe. You also know who you are and what you are. None of that is what has caused Bun's problems. Don't sacrifice yourself or Bun to the therapist. They aren't God and they aren't perfect. If they are judgemental bastards call them on it. The pressure is alot but I know you can handle it for your sake and the kids.

The D-Man checks in

[(Anonymous)]

Being in the psychological field myself, and being (perhaps) a factor in Bun's current position in so far as her institutionalization, allow me the following 7 observations: 1.) Show me a "normal" family, particularly with a "normal" mom. You, like (most) all mothers, did the best you could with what you had to work with--especially as I have yet to find a baby & child that came with an instruction book & owner's manual. You provided a loving, supportive home for Bun, and continue to do so. If you contributed anything to Bun's condition, I'd say it was mainly genetic, and therefore not your fault. It's not like Bunny decided all on her own, or that you in any way encouraged her, to start experiencing hallucinations, "...because that would be really neat & special." 2.) Women in the 21 century are about as torn as you are going to find, what with all the choices & expectations (traditional & modern) heaped upon them, and with the only black & white, right & wrong, choices being pretty much only found and/or rooted firmly in the camps of the extremists. In that light, my dear... You ARE normal. 3.) Sounds to me like this new therapist very much has a personal agenda to right social wrongs (or the therapist's narrow vision of them) and address social issues that are largely irrelevant to Bun's condition... somehow working them into the "therapy." 4.) Last I looked, homosexuality was removed some time ago from the DSM-R IV... So unless you are practicing some weird incestuous relationships at home, unconventional social & sexual lifestyles that break no Arkansas laws should be irrelevant. All in all, Bun is an intelligent, well-adjusted, highly functional, socially adept teen-ager. Her psychological condition was not brought on from anything in her home life (again, unless you are doing something way out of the ordinary, and likely illegal, with your family, which I just can't picture). 5.) What Bun does to herself is an unfortunate manifestation & part of youth culture these days, largely as an answer to marked stress & social rejection. This is a "normal" part of the teen-age experience; her reaction or coping mechanism to dealing with it is dysfunctional, and the focus should be on that. 6.) If mom is guilty of anything, it's guiding but allowing her offspring to develop into who they want to be... Not what society or any banner-waving main-stream extremists expect them to be. The only problem with that--of course, and sadly--is that society (especially down South) does not always take kindly to non-conformists. 7.) Bun, being intelligent, could likely very easily "string along" a therapist & "play the game" until she manages release from being institutionalized. Fortunately the institution caught this. Unfortunately, this new therapist--while perhaps not as subject to manipulation & deception--is bringing personal issues into the therapy, and should be called on this. Very little good ever comes from blaming the parent, unless the parent actually was doing something bizarre with a child's up-bringing (let's train our daughter to be a Gorean slave girl, or get her hooked on drugs, sort of junk). Blaming the parent (rightly) went out of style in the 1980's, mainly because ("Duh...") it's counter-productive, and ultimately destructive to family unity, which then only adds a whole new dimension to the patient's already considerable problems, since they can never go home again if they want to get & stay better (in theory). Don't let this character brow beat you into thinking any of Bun's problems are YOUR fault, or of YOUR making, just because you don't fit the typical June Cleaver cookie cutter mold of the perfect/normal mom. This therapist should more correctly be focusing on what is right about the family unit, and what can be done to aid Bun in coping with the stress factors & psychosis that are contributing to her problems. Behavioral adjustment/modification in answer to one... Medication (most likely) in answer the the other.