See Angel. See Angel procrastinate
Apr. 16th, 2007 12:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valarltdI overdid again yesterday (therapy session not much choice), and so am alternating between a few minutes at the computer and a few on the floor.
There's a reason for my icon.
It's the same reason "therapist" breaks down into "the rapist."
I do not like or trust our new shrink. The theme of the family session seemed to be "It's All Mom's Fault." Mudd picked up on that, even Bun picked up on that.
I sometimes wonder if being myself is really worth it.
Would life be simpler if I just quit the job, put on the apron and Stepforded about?
If I went into raptures about clean laundry and not about publishing contracts?
If I gave up writing spicy romance and wrote cookbooks? (I've had several people criticize me for the last)
If I gave in to the abusive stalker called God, bullied my family out of bed and into church every Sunday, so they'd know I was "good people?"
The feeling I get is "You've screwed her up by being unconventional. Now be conventional so we can blame you for being a smothering, over-protective soccer-mom."
The question that leaves me with is "Then what?"
What happens in 12 years when the kids are gone?
Do I waft about the rooms of my spotless suburban house, waiting to be useful to grandkids that may or may not come?
I'm just tired.
Tired of the pressure from the school and the state.
Tired of the pressure from the in-laws.
Tired of the pressure from the shrinks.
Before you give me the bit about the diamond being coal under pressure, let me quote from Kipling:
The prudent text-books give it
In tables at the end -
The stress that shears a rivet
Or makes a tie-bar bend -
What traffic wrecks macadam -
What concrete should endure -
But we, poor Sons of Adam,
Have no such literaure,
To warn us or make sure!
--Hymn of the Breaking strain
There's a reason for my icon.
It's the same reason "therapist" breaks down into "the rapist."
I do not like or trust our new shrink. The theme of the family session seemed to be "It's All Mom's Fault." Mudd picked up on that, even Bun picked up on that.
I sometimes wonder if being myself is really worth it.
Would life be simpler if I just quit the job, put on the apron and Stepforded about?
If I went into raptures about clean laundry and not about publishing contracts?
If I gave up writing spicy romance and wrote cookbooks? (I've had several people criticize me for the last)
If I gave in to the abusive stalker called God, bullied my family out of bed and into church every Sunday, so they'd know I was "good people?"
The feeling I get is "You've screwed her up by being unconventional. Now be conventional so we can blame you for being a smothering, over-protective soccer-mom."
The question that leaves me with is "Then what?"
What happens in 12 years when the kids are gone?
Do I waft about the rooms of my spotless suburban house, waiting to be useful to grandkids that may or may not come?
I'm just tired.
Tired of the pressure from the school and the state.
Tired of the pressure from the in-laws.
Tired of the pressure from the shrinks.
Before you give me the bit about the diamond being coal under pressure, let me quote from Kipling:
The prudent text-books give it
In tables at the end -
The stress that shears a rivet
Or makes a tie-bar bend -
What traffic wrecks macadam -
What concrete should endure -
But we, poor Sons of Adam,
Have no such literaure,
To warn us or make sure!
--Hymn of the Breaking strain
