Need a beta who likes dystopia and romance

[valarltd]

So I got this novel.

It's been rejected about 3 times. This tells me there's a problem with it.
I'm too close to the problem.

dakiwiboid read the early draft and gave me some wonderful help. At her suggestion, I have punched up the SF portion of it.

What I need is to improve the romance portion before I send it out.
Apparently, I also head-hop (change PoV) during scenes. This is not something I notice in reading or writing, so watching for that would be helpful, too.

Warning, it is explicitly male/male, and most of the characters are complete rotters.
Drop a comment and I'll send it along.

Only payment I can promise is a copy when we finally get it published.

Comments

[sailorcelestial.livejournal.com]

That's funny... I actually spent most of the morning reading articles on Wikipedia about dystopian novels....

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

You game to look at a kinky gay Pygmalion in dark future Memphis?

[sailorcelestial.livejournal.com]

On one hand, I would love love love to. On the other, I can't guarantee I will have the time. How long would I have to look over it enough to form a solid opinion?

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

I can't give you forever, but it's not like it has to be done tomorrow.
Say, the same deadline as it's sequel? Oct 31?

That way we can both be free for NaNoWriMo

[sailorcelestial.livejournal.com]

I will do my best! ::salutes:: Send it onward to the following email address: sailorcelestial_2004@yahoo.com

Looking for instances of POV changes in the middle of scenes, I know. What else?

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

Anything to make it more SF.
Anything to make it more of a romance.
Any way to make these powerful and ruthless psychopaths more sympathetic.

[sailorcelestial.livejournal.com]

Oh my... well, the romance I can do, and probably the SF. However, I do have one fatal flaw....

I find powerful and ruthless psychopaths insanely sexy....

^____^ I'm about to go to bed, but go ahead and send it to the above address. I will return it with suggestions when I can.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

Should already be there. Thanks a lot.

It's not really long, less than 130 pages.

I wanna read it again!

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

Can I?

Re: I wanna read it again!

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

I'm quite sure you can.
And I'll certainly pass it along so you may.

*eg*

Be warned, Nick has not actually changed much.