The World According to Angel, part 1
Aug. 1st, 2005 06:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valarltdI saw this in ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cmshaw's journal, and thought it would make a nifty exercise. makesmewannadie suggested listing everything you know about world history, without referring to any books.
So, if you want to: in your journal write downeverything you know about world history. No checking dates or facts. Make it funny, make it silly, make it serious. Do it any way you want.
So, somewhere along the line, people appear in Mesopotamia. They start farming in the fertile river valley and begin building the civilization that will eventually become Babylon.
Over in Egypt, a bunch of other folks are farming the river valley of the Nile. While in China, they're doing it on the Yangtze. In India, they work along the Indus.
Up in Britannia, the Celts have invented the fork, the computer, body paint and the human sacrifice by both immolation and immurring. They're busily running the Chant of the Trodden Spiral on Stonehenge and other Saracen rings, burning their criminals alive on Halloween and May Day and painting themselves blue. We'll get back to them.
In Italy, the Etruscans are making pottery and exposing twins to be suckled by she-wolves.
Somewhere in there, a bunch of folks hiked from China to North America and gravitated through the whole of the continent, doing everything from figuring out 1001 used for buffalo to inventing neolithic basketball (where the losers got to sacrifice the winners).
In Egypt, they've got writing going and papermaking and religion and slavery. In Babylon, they're working on getting a 12 month calendar of 30 days/month to stop snowing in June. In the city of Ur, a Martu tribesman called Abram hears God and hauls his whole family out to the Jordan river valley. Hammurabi writes the first major code of laws, on clay tablets in cuneiform.
In Greece, they've started doing weird things like city-states and democracy and are suffering outbreaks of theater and philosophy. Rome is still a collection of mud huts.
Things truck on for a few centuries, and a descendant of Abram winds up in Egypt. He gets assimilated, moves the family in and they all go native. Egyptian art keeps getting better. By this time, we're up to furry-porn. There is a series of panels showing a lion and a gazelle playing the Egyptian form of chess, the gazelle loses and the lion schtups the gazelle on the chessboard.
Egypt also invents early frogmen, who sabotage other boats during river battles. Plus mummies, curses and pyramids. The Sphinx loses his nose to allergies.
Ramses the Great, tired of all the non-Egyptians going native, starts "Egypt for the Egyptians" and boots all the foreigners: Hyksos, Hebrews and all. The Hebrews have their side, the Egyptians put a big rock that says "We slaughtered the whole tribe of Hebrews by the Sea of Reeds." War corrospondence was never very accurate.
Endless little wars plague everyone everywhere.
The Greeks get into the Pelopennesian War, which lasts forever. The battle of Thermopolae gives rise to marathon running. The Olympics are being held every four years. Sparta usually wins, but has trouble fielding an army because the hoplites are needed back home to keep the slaves under control.
Xerxes gets cranky with Greece and they duke it out by sea. The Greeks, with their funky ships that have eyes on, win.
Babylon gets tired of the Hebrews, and under Nebuchednezzar goes in and conquers them. They get sent home after his son takes the throne. They bring home a new dualism in their montheistic religion.
Rome gets bigger and decides to be a Republic.
Alexander conquers a fair chunk of the world, clear to India.
More later
cmshaw's journal, and thought it would make a nifty exercise. makesmewannadie suggested listing everything you know about world history, without referring to any books.So, if you want to: in your journal write downeverything you know about world history. No checking dates or facts. Make it funny, make it silly, make it serious. Do it any way you want.
So, somewhere along the line, people appear in Mesopotamia. They start farming in the fertile river valley and begin building the civilization that will eventually become Babylon.
Over in Egypt, a bunch of other folks are farming the river valley of the Nile. While in China, they're doing it on the Yangtze. In India, they work along the Indus.
Up in Britannia, the Celts have invented the fork, the computer, body paint and the human sacrifice by both immolation and immurring. They're busily running the Chant of the Trodden Spiral on Stonehenge and other Saracen rings, burning their criminals alive on Halloween and May Day and painting themselves blue. We'll get back to them.
In Italy, the Etruscans are making pottery and exposing twins to be suckled by she-wolves.
Somewhere in there, a bunch of folks hiked from China to North America and gravitated through the whole of the continent, doing everything from figuring out 1001 used for buffalo to inventing neolithic basketball (where the losers got to sacrifice the winners).
In Egypt, they've got writing going and papermaking and religion and slavery. In Babylon, they're working on getting a 12 month calendar of 30 days/month to stop snowing in June. In the city of Ur, a Martu tribesman called Abram hears God and hauls his whole family out to the Jordan river valley. Hammurabi writes the first major code of laws, on clay tablets in cuneiform.
In Greece, they've started doing weird things like city-states and democracy and are suffering outbreaks of theater and philosophy. Rome is still a collection of mud huts.
Things truck on for a few centuries, and a descendant of Abram winds up in Egypt. He gets assimilated, moves the family in and they all go native. Egyptian art keeps getting better. By this time, we're up to furry-porn. There is a series of panels showing a lion and a gazelle playing the Egyptian form of chess, the gazelle loses and the lion schtups the gazelle on the chessboard.
Egypt also invents early frogmen, who sabotage other boats during river battles. Plus mummies, curses and pyramids. The Sphinx loses his nose to allergies.
Ramses the Great, tired of all the non-Egyptians going native, starts "Egypt for the Egyptians" and boots all the foreigners: Hyksos, Hebrews and all. The Hebrews have their side, the Egyptians put a big rock that says "We slaughtered the whole tribe of Hebrews by the Sea of Reeds." War corrospondence was never very accurate.
Endless little wars plague everyone everywhere.
The Greeks get into the Pelopennesian War, which lasts forever. The battle of Thermopolae gives rise to marathon running. The Olympics are being held every four years. Sparta usually wins, but has trouble fielding an army because the hoplites are needed back home to keep the slaves under control.
Xerxes gets cranky with Greece and they duke it out by sea. The Greeks, with their funky ships that have eyes on, win.
Babylon gets tired of the Hebrews, and under Nebuchednezzar goes in and conquers them. They get sent home after his son takes the throne. They bring home a new dualism in their montheistic religion.
Rome gets bigger and decides to be a Republic.
Alexander conquers a fair chunk of the world, clear to India.
More later
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 02:27 am (UTC)http://www.livejournal.com/users/cmshaw/344816.html?thread=1530352#t1530352
D-Man Weighs In
Date: 2005-08-02 03:56 am (UTC)