valarltd | For my Pagan Friends

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK PAGAN IF:

You call your High Priest Billy Bob.
You call the four directions with a flash light.
You ever canceled a ritual because of a football game.
Your athame has a can opener and a nail file on it too.
Your ceremonial jewelry is plastic.
You celebrate your simple feast with Beer nuts and a Keg.
The Super Bowl is your most important holiday.
You use an engine block for an altar.
You've ever marked out the circle with duct tape.
You've ever done a Lotto spell.
Your scrying mirror says "objects may be closer than they appear."
You've ever used a cauldron as a spittoon.
You've ever financed a ritual tattoo.
Your child and your dog have the same magickal name.
You call your quarters north, east, south, and over yonder.
Your simple feast is beer and Twinkies.
You end your rituals with "Y'all come back now, y'hear?"
Your anointing oil smells like Old Spice.
You've ever worn ritual robes made out of camouflage.
Your idea of ritual garb is cutoffs and a tank top.
You have ever refilled your chalice from a keg.
The god representation on your altar is a velvet Elvis.
The goddess representation on your altar is Marilyn Monroe.