valarltd | The Nightmare Pairing meme, for Star Wars

This has been going around my flist like the Flu. It's all

mctabby's fault over in HP fandom and

blakefancier took it multifandom.

I,

valarltd, do solemnly swear that my favorite SW character is Luke Skywalker and my least favorite character is Wicket the Ewok. The mere thought of them doing naughty things together makes me whimper. However... given sufficient crack and an infinite number of monkeys,* here's how a Luke/Wicket shag might happen (though I sincerely hope it never does, and if it does, I just don't want to know).

Necessary plot device or deus ex machina: After the Second Death Star, Luke is shattered inside and requires mystical healing. The Ewoks have a ritual for just this sort of thing.

Who makes the first move: Wicket. It's all part of the ritual.

Positions and/or kinks: Luke lies on his back meditating as the medicine man, Logray, chants, a dozen other ewoks channel the Force from the Trees to the Wounded Jedi Leaf, and Wicket licks him all over.

Afterglow: Healed in body and spirit, Luke decides to stay on Endor, learning the ways of the Force and the Trees, and getting fuzzy blowjobs.

Would I actually read or write this? No way in the Four Cold Hells.

* My monkeys are smoking The Bad Crack.