valarltd | Humor from Rec.arts.sf.star-wars

Top 10 new changes in the SW DVDS

10. Not only does Greedo shoot first, he now also insults Han's
mother and kills his dog.

9. Revealed that Mark Hamill's face altering car accident occurred
after a drunken orgy with Yoda and Miss Piggy.

8. Lucas has returned the scenes back to the movie that feature
Cousin Oliver. (Oh wait, I got this confused with my Brady Bunch
list).

7. Several new product placement shots, including Luke putting
Duracells in his light saber just before the climactic battle.
Darth's saber is reedited to show Energizer batteries falling out just
before Luke finishes him off.

6. Restoration of the original opening which shows Leia emerging from
Galactic Fantastic Sams with her Cinnabon do' and shows C-3P0 making
breakfast for R2-D2 in the room they share.

5. Nick Nolte and Forrest Gump now appear in the cantina scene.

4. Copies of the contracts that Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, and
Carrie Fisher made with the devil. Harrison managed to get his
nulled by his agent.

3. For the first time, you can clearly see the Ewok actor that hung
himself from a tree in the background of Endor.

2. Death Star explosions now followed by shots of storm troopers,
empire troops, and cafeteria workers clinging to wreckage of the star.
Lucas explains he didn't want people to think of Luke as a mass
murderer.

1. The title of the first movie has been changed from A New Hope to A
Cash Cow.