habeo phallum ergo sum
Sep. 16th, 2004 05:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valarltdThe Manly Man's Guide to Hospitality
Focus on the Family Magazine > Christian Living
The ABCs of Manly Hospitality
by Don Bosley
The apostle Paul encouraged Christian believers to “practice hospitality.” Paul, by all accounts, was a man concerned about hospitality. No wonder the guy was labeled a radical. Gentlemen, a couple thousand years later, we still need more practice. Males are hospitably challenged. We need support groups. We need help.
The American Heritage Dictionary defines hospitality as “cordial and generous reception of guests.” Contrast this definition with that of The American Manly Man, which defines hospitality as “vaguely nodding toward the ice box and announcing the status of the ballgame as bewildered guests let themselves in.” This is not exactly what Paul was talking about. So here are the ABCs of manly hospitality:
A is for Affable, a word that means likable, agreeable, easy to talk to . . . all excellent ingredients in the hospitality soup.
B is for Ball game, a big, gnarly hairball in the hospitality soup. The “off” button on the remote is a magical helper here. Not the mute button. Off.
C is for Castle. A man’s home is his castle, but that does not mean we have the right to keep out guests with a moat, drawbridge or fiery dragon.
D is for Drop-in. Not your cue to drop out.
E is for Excessive. The only thing better than sincere hospitality is lavish sincere hospitality.
F is for Food. Run for the grub, man.
G is for Grill, the noun, not the verb. (Exceptions made for potential suitors of your female offspring, in which a three-hour searing is the bare minimum).
H is for Hootenanny. Hootenannies, or parties with spontaneous music, are great. Christians get to have Holy Hootenannies — a phrase that Robin surely should have said to Batman.
I is for Invite, an excellent way to get guests to your home.
J is for Jesus, who once had 5,000 show up when a) He didn’t have a door, and b) He didn’t have anything in the fridge. His response: Pull up a seat. He fed ’em full and saw to it that the leftovers were properly put in Saran Wrap. Now that’s hospitality!
K is for Killer toys, like your new plasma TV screen. Dude, hospitality is about your guest’s life and interests — not yours.
L is for Liver, which just isn’t hospitality no matter how you slice it.
M is for Manners. Hospitality’s rules of engagement: Chew with your mouth closed; don’t interrupt; and don’t belch.
N is for Nondiscriminatory. If the only people you invite to dinner are those who look, think, dress or talk in a certain way, it’s not hospitality.
O is for Off, the “off” button on your remote. I’m not telling you again.
P is for Prim or possibly Proper.
Q is for Quadruple fudge brownie, the only possible thing that can make up for liver.
R is for Rosy disposition. Peter told us to “offer hospitality to one another without grumbling,” which, for some of us, really takes the fun out of it. Do it anyway.
S is for Serve, the point of this exercise.
T is for Tantrums, which should always be a) forgivable when they come from your guest’s 2-year- old, and b) unforgivable when they come from you because of your guest’s 2-year-old.
U is for Upright, the proper way to greet a guest.
V is for VCR. Tape the ball game already!
W is for Wife. She’s wired for this. Trust her when she says to trim the ear hair before the guests arrive.
X is for the chromosome we can blame for having this hospitality dysfunction in the first place.
Y is for Yard, which is a great place to practice hospitality, especially if your house is dirty. Conversely, it can also torpedo hospitality if your Doberman isn’t feeling friendly.
Z is for Zacchaeus, a guy who figured out hospitality in the smartest way: by responding to the Lord. He wasn’t very tall, so gentlemen, if we kneel, we might be in perfect position to see things just the way he did.
Holy Hootenany, Batman!
Focus on the Family Magazine > Christian Living
The ABCs of Manly Hospitality
by Don Bosley
The apostle Paul encouraged Christian believers to “practice hospitality.” Paul, by all accounts, was a man concerned about hospitality. No wonder the guy was labeled a radical. Gentlemen, a couple thousand years later, we still need more practice. Males are hospitably challenged. We need support groups. We need help.
The American Heritage Dictionary defines hospitality as “cordial and generous reception of guests.” Contrast this definition with that of The American Manly Man, which defines hospitality as “vaguely nodding toward the ice box and announcing the status of the ballgame as bewildered guests let themselves in.” This is not exactly what Paul was talking about. So here are the ABCs of manly hospitality:
A is for Affable, a word that means likable, agreeable, easy to talk to . . . all excellent ingredients in the hospitality soup.
B is for Ball game, a big, gnarly hairball in the hospitality soup. The “off” button on the remote is a magical helper here. Not the mute button. Off.
C is for Castle. A man’s home is his castle, but that does not mean we have the right to keep out guests with a moat, drawbridge or fiery dragon.
D is for Drop-in. Not your cue to drop out.
E is for Excessive. The only thing better than sincere hospitality is lavish sincere hospitality.
F is for Food. Run for the grub, man.
G is for Grill, the noun, not the verb. (Exceptions made for potential suitors of your female offspring, in which a three-hour searing is the bare minimum).
H is for Hootenanny. Hootenannies, or parties with spontaneous music, are great. Christians get to have Holy Hootenannies — a phrase that Robin surely should have said to Batman.
I is for Invite, an excellent way to get guests to your home.
J is for Jesus, who once had 5,000 show up when a) He didn’t have a door, and b) He didn’t have anything in the fridge. His response: Pull up a seat. He fed ’em full and saw to it that the leftovers were properly put in Saran Wrap. Now that’s hospitality!
K is for Killer toys, like your new plasma TV screen. Dude, hospitality is about your guest’s life and interests — not yours.
L is for Liver, which just isn’t hospitality no matter how you slice it.
M is for Manners. Hospitality’s rules of engagement: Chew with your mouth closed; don’t interrupt; and don’t belch.
N is for Nondiscriminatory. If the only people you invite to dinner are those who look, think, dress or talk in a certain way, it’s not hospitality.
O is for Off, the “off” button on your remote. I’m not telling you again.
P is for Prim or possibly Proper.
Q is for Quadruple fudge brownie, the only possible thing that can make up for liver.
R is for Rosy disposition. Peter told us to “offer hospitality to one another without grumbling,” which, for some of us, really takes the fun out of it. Do it anyway.
S is for Serve, the point of this exercise.
T is for Tantrums, which should always be a) forgivable when they come from your guest’s 2-year- old, and b) unforgivable when they come from you because of your guest’s 2-year-old.
U is for Upright, the proper way to greet a guest.
V is for VCR. Tape the ball game already!
W is for Wife. She’s wired for this. Trust her when she says to trim the ear hair before the guests arrive.
X is for the chromosome we can blame for having this hospitality dysfunction in the first place.
Y is for Yard, which is a great place to practice hospitality, especially if your house is dirty. Conversely, it can also torpedo hospitality if your Doberman isn’t feeling friendly.
Z is for Zacchaeus, a guy who figured out hospitality in the smartest way: by responding to the Lord. He wasn’t very tall, so gentlemen, if we kneel, we might be in perfect position to see things just the way he did.
Holy Hootenany, Batman!
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no subject
Date: 2004-09-16 03:22 pm (UTC)Here's an alternative possibility: P is for 'Philoxenia' (hospitality, or literally 'love of strangers', in New Testament Greek) -- whereby some have entertained angels unawares.
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Date: 2004-09-16 03:34 pm (UTC)