Excerpt day
May. 12th, 2013 03:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valarltd Hi folks. We're coming up on the release of Heart's Bounty, so I thought I'd let you get a sneak peek.
This bit is pretty much work-safe.
“Yes, Cypec Incorporated. We need a certain gentleman retrieved.” The man sat behind his desk and gestured to the chair across from him. He steepled his fingers and studied Miho. The sharp blue eyes pierced right through him, pinning Miho like a bug. He was fairly certain that Mr. Cypec would have no qualms about doing exactly the same thing. He looked as if he might be the type who stuck large needles into beetles to watch them squirm.
“Thief. We need him alive so the little rat can point out the holes he escaped through. Then we seal them and execute him.”
Miho held up his hands. “Look, friend. It's none of my business what you do with him when you get him back, just need to know what kind of chase we're looking at. What's your offer for my services, by the by?” The man was openly telling him they were going to kill his mark. Not a good sign. Too much information meant he had little choice but to take the job.
“It's a big galaxy, Mr. Ashar, and he has the money to hide well. We offer the standard retainer, fuel compensation and a speed bonus if you return him inside of a year.”
Miho blinked at that. “A year.” His mind spun a little. His usual marks might make for a month or two of work. More than three months of pursuit was usually inside work, held for a company man. Only the truly talented or very wealthy could evade capture for so long. “I think I may need some time to consider.” The paranoia that had served him so well told him that this job was danger itself.
The man shrugged. “Certainly. You have the card. There are others interested in the job. Consider, but not for too long.”
Miho nodded and stood. He headed for the door, not enjoying the idea of turning his back on the man. “I'll give you an answer by tomorrow.”
“Splendid.” It didn't sound splendid to Miho. In fact, it sounded as if the man didn’t give a damn if he ever showed his face again.
He made his way down the dingy hallway, hands in his pockets, staring at his feet, thinking. The man was too well dressed for this area of space. The job was too good and Miho knew he’d been told too much to walk away from it. Better to walk away if the man was willing to let him. Surely there were other blue tags available.
That job was a red tag, he could feel it. The taggers would have a field day if they knew a Corp man was running reds as blues. False tagging was a good way to get people killed. Maybe that was the point, gathering together and killing off the non-Corp hunters. There had to be an explanation.
This bit is pretty much work-safe.
The man on the other side of the battered door looked as out of place as the sleek metal desk and shiny chairs. He was dressed in core-world corporate fashion, a fine high-collared shirt with a narrow starsilk tabard and colorful sash that matched the stripes in his pants. “Do come right in.” His voice was pure core too, without any trace of the local accent. Miho didn't like his smile. Too cold and narrow, and it didn't get anywhere near his eyes.
“Are you the one who posted the blue-tag job?” He held up his pocket comp with the downloaded ticket on it. His eyes swept the room, trusting nothing about it or the stranger. Working for new people always set him on edge until he got their measure.
“Yes, Cypec Incorporated. We need a certain gentleman retrieved.” The man sat behind his desk and gestured to the chair across from him. He steepled his fingers and studied Miho. The sharp blue eyes pierced right through him, pinning Miho like a bug. He was fairly certain that Mr. Cypec would have no qualms about doing exactly the same thing. He looked as if he might be the type who stuck large needles into beetles to watch them squirm.
Miho nodded and sat, one leg curled under him to keep him on its edge. “All right. Bail runner, hacker, escapee? What’s the MO?” He ran his hand through his hair once, but stopped himself from doing it twice. Playing with his long hair was a bad nervous habit and a tell. The man saw it and his smile widened, but it still wasn't even in the same sector as his eyes.
“Thief. We need him alive so the little rat can point out the holes he escaped through. Then we seal them and execute him.”
Miho held up his hands. “Look, friend. It's none of my business what you do with him when you get him back, just need to know what kind of chase we're looking at. What's your offer for my services, by the by?” The man was openly telling him they were going to kill his mark. Not a good sign. Too much information meant he had little choice but to take the job.
“It's a big galaxy, Mr. Ashar, and he has the money to hide well. We offer the standard retainer, fuel compensation and a speed bonus if you return him inside of a year.”
Miho blinked at that. “A year.” His mind spun a little. His usual marks might make for a month or two of work. More than three months of pursuit was usually inside work, held for a company man. Only the truly talented or very wealthy could evade capture for so long. “I think I may need some time to consider.” The paranoia that had served him so well told him that this job was danger itself.
The man shrugged. “Certainly. You have the card. There are others interested in the job. Consider, but not for too long.”
Miho nodded and stood. He headed for the door, not enjoying the idea of turning his back on the man. “I'll give you an answer by tomorrow.”
“Splendid.” It didn't sound splendid to Miho. In fact, it sounded as if the man didn’t give a damn if he ever showed his face again.
He made his way down the dingy hallway, hands in his pockets, staring at his feet, thinking. The man was too well dressed for this area of space. The job was too good and Miho knew he’d been told too much to walk away from it. Better to walk away if the man was willing to let him. Surely there were other blue tags available.
That job was a red tag, he could feel it. The taggers would have a field day if they knew a Corp man was running reds as blues. False tagging was a good way to get people killed. Maybe that was the point, gathering together and killing off the non-Corp hunters. There had to be an explanation.
The D-Man Replies...
Date: 2013-05-14 02:12 am (UTC)If this job is leaving Miho so uneasy & it feels just so wrong on so many levels to begin with, why would he take it? ...Especially if & when there are other jobs out there to be had, and it seems like this slick corporate suit offering him the job doesn't really care if he takes it or not? ...Especially if it looks like somebody might be trying to use a job like this to gather up and then xterminate the freelancers like Miho (which I personally find highly unlikely, as freelancers will always allow a certain level of probable deniability to certain shady employers, who might not want certain dirty deeds traced directly back to them in the final tally).
Yes, if Miho does not take this job, there is no story. Fine. WHY would he take it, after all those warning signs? Why must he take it? Give us--your readership--the reason and/or details, so it makes sense. Take the job, but let us understand why. Guys like Miho survive on their instincts, so if they go against those instincts, there needs to be a reason given for why.
Re: The D-Man Replies...
Date: 2013-05-14 02:45 am (UTC)We give him a very valid reason, before he says yes. You just have to let the story unfold. If every event happened all at once, it wouldn't be a very good story.
We have already
1) shown HOW Miho came to be looking for work on this backwater world
2) seen his reservations just from reading the ticket, but him deciding to check it out anyway.
This is the checking out and he has left with a profound sense of "This is bad. I do NOT want this job."
The rest is yet to come.
Re: The D-Man Replies...
Date: 2013-05-14 02:22 pm (UTC)Suggestions:
1.) Don't take the job. Go after something & somebody more Miho's style & speed, but this big, bad job keeps cropping up in the background, maybe with a (steady) trail of dead hunters, some of which Miho knew at least by reputation, until one of the dead he ultimately knew personally--and liked.
2.) Miho does not take this job, but takes a job to learn what happened to one of his friends/associates who took it... and who paid for it with his/her life. Maybe hired by a widow. Miho then gets tangled up in this job & whatever is really going on with it that way. Double guantlet as Miho then takes heat from the mark, plus the various goons hunting the mark. Miho is in the way of both, but since he is not actually AFTER the mark, he's not outright competition or an obstruction to be eliminated. Ending up though on everyone's radar as a neutral--neither a friend nor foe--can lead to some rather interesting but non-lethal perks & consequences.
3.) Rehash your job tag classifications.
White tag: (Ghost jobs) Subject to be located, then just watched & tracked. Leave the apprehension to the interested party.
Blue tag: Subject to be brought back alive and whole.
Red tag: Subject to be brought back alive.
Black tag: (Reaper jobs) Subject to be brought back. Remains must be identifiable and/or death must be verifiable.
Re: The D-Man Replies...
Date: 2013-05-14 02:43 pm (UTC)The job is not the important part of the story. It is a subplot and provides the frame to the story. As always, you have fallen for the MacGuffin! And the hunt is not quite what it looks like, either...
We explain the tags a couple of times.
Red tags were a bad idea. “Armed and Dangerous” was generally the kindest description of the targets. A red tag meant getting shot at. Miho didn't like being shot.
Yellow tags weren't his interest. The corporate jobs tended to pay well, but they also brought too much supervision. The data pirates and corporate spies that plagued the galaxy were the Corps' problem, not his.
But blue, he lived in the blue. The bail-jumpers, collection jobs and small time crooks who jumped planet were his kind of targets. Usually easy to find and too scared to fight, they were easy enough for him to haul in. Not many blues populated the board. In this part of space, there weren't many tags to start with.
And later:
Situated neatly on the side of a restaurant was the large board, with literally thousands of tags making a rainbow across the entire wall. Rare purple tags spoke of the wishes of slavers, while black tags, seen rarely on any board and never in the open, made a neat row on the end for those who liked blood on their hands.
This is a teaser, to raise people's interest in the book. It is available for discussion, but no changes can be made at this point, except by express order of the higher-up editors.