valarltd | The Quote Meme,

yonmei explains it all

I've been collecting quotes for 20 years.
Everything from bad puns ("Fimbriation is a borderline case") to other people's sigs to stuff that just struck me funny.

Gotta be good looking cause I'm so hard to see!

They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally they became
heroes. --Leia Organa

Adventures make one late for dinner.--Bilbo Baggins

If pro is the opposite of con, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Five letter word for home entertainment: harem

Daddy said "no." Mama said "gracious no." So I went and did something worse.

Lawful Smug: See? I told you so!

Chaotic Hungry: Yum! Balrog burgers!

Neutral Confused: Dragon? What dragon?

Chaotic Amative: After the battle let's go find a nice quiet tent somewhere...

Lawful Appalled: Not again!

If you had an adventure, you didn't take into account all known variables. --Editor, "Explorer's Journal."

I'm not stupid. I'm not expendable. I'm not going.

No matter how subtle a wizard, a knife between the shoulderblades will seriously cramp his style.--Vlad Taltos

+1 button

It's not the men in my life, It's the life in my men. -Mae West

Everyone is human until proven otherwise.

Deja vu all over again

Power corrupts. Absolute power is really fun!

Chaotic evil means never having to say you're sorry.

Lawful Good means never needing to say you're sorry.

Archery: You can run, but you'll just die tired.

Crossbows don't kill people, Quarrels kill people.

That was now, this is then

Live by the sword, die by the crossbow.

Heralds don't pun. They cant.

Once a king, always a king, but once a knight is never enough.

Build a listfield and they will come.

Viking is a verb, pinhead.

If guns are illegal, can we use swords?

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...and up!

It takes a Viking to raze a village

....got mead?

...got blood?

SCA: the next best thing to being there.

The beatings will stop when morale has improved.

My wife said If I built one more seige engine she'd leave me. Gee I miss her, but I'm getting her
range...

I rode the Trebuchet and all I got was this lousy tee shirt...And a week in the hospital.

My SO journeyed unto Canterbury and brought me only this beloused t-tunic

My knight sacked Turin and all I got was this dirty table cloth.

It takes a lot of thought, effort and downright determination to be agreeable this early.

Carpe Scrotum...and their hearts an minds will follow.

War cook, death from within. Over 10000 slain

SCA- I don't go postal, I go medieval

Carpe ductum---seize the tape.

SCA to some a dream, to others a nightmare.

Never piss off a bard--for they are not subtle and your name scans to Greensleeves.

I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to.

You're just jealous the voices talk to me.

I don't have issues. I subscribe to the magazine!

Homeschool. It's not just for scary religious people any more.--Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Mostly I just want you to wriggle.

Which way does the north passage go?

186,000 miles per second. It's not the law, just a challenge.

I used to snort coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.

The difficult is but the work of a second. The impossible takes a bit longer.

Even barbarians like chocolate chip cookies.

Never play leapfrog wih a unicorn.

2 wrongs don't make a right. But 3 lefts do.

It isn't a dungeon. It's a fortified, underground, defense installation.

Patience is better left to the dead, who have time for it.

It takes a lot of thought, effort and downright determination to be agreeable.

I have licked the ice cream cone of life and it has fallen on my tennies.

Everyone's screaming so I assume everyone's alive.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with someone who is unarmed.

This neurotic pursuit of sanity is driving us all crazy.

I was not aware 12 Klingons constituted a swarm.--James Kirk

Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing. --Fran Liebowitz, Metropolian Life

He's not borderline. He's fall-off-the-cliff-and-no-bottom-to-hit. --Ray Bradbury

There is no end to the talent of the mentally warped.--Neil Simon, Star Spangled Girl

Well. This is really state-of-the-art neato.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

I'm invisible, can't you see that? --Perseus, Clash of the Titans

So that's what an invisible barrier looks like.--Time Bandits

Trolls are thorough. --Patrick McManus

You can't have everything; where would you put it?

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Old heroes never die. They reappear in sequels.

He has a native intelligence. Of a very remote country.

Act normal in front of the relatives.

Acting is hell. You spend all your time trying to do what they put people in asylums for.

When the going gets weird, the weird go pro.

Reality is what we tell each other it is. In the Mouth of Madness

Reality isn't what it used to be.

It has to be a singlet. There isn't enough of it to be a doublet.

When you were 20, there were dragons to slay and damsels to rescue.
At 40, you join the Save the Dragons movement

It's every woman's fantasy to have two men...one cooking, one cleaning.

Recount Appomatox. (button seen in Atlanta)

If you get into a jam, you can always eat something, blow something up or throw penguins. --Jim Henson

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

The universe is already mad. Anything else would be redundant. --Londo Mollari

These are quotes I've used as sigs. Feel free to share the love

Death before dishonor. Nothing before coffee.

Evil Geniuses for a Better Tomorrow, Local #329

If Caesar was alive, you'd be chained to an oar.

CB slang, although descriptive, lacks such terms
as "insouciance" or "honey-haired boy." --Fran Liebowitz

"Instant Gratification isn't soon enough." --Carrie Fisher

For Sale: 1 used Palindrome, live and evil.

It's every woman's fantasy to have 2 men at once:
one cooking, one cleaning.

Vote Meadow Party in 2000!

"If you had an adventure, you didn't take into account
all known variables." --Henry Evans, ed. Explorer's Journal

If Gore is elected, 2.3 million Americans will die next year.
Then again, they'll die if he's not elected, too. Lies,
damnable lies, and statistics.

When you're going through Hell, keep going!

For Thankgsgiving Week: I am thankful I am not
Jeb Bush having to face his brother at Thanksgiving dinner.

"The Universe is already mad. Anything else would be
redundant." --Londo Mollari

"Can we cuddle?"
"Hard to cuddle someone who's waving a lightsaber in your face."

Identity Crisis? Who? Me?

"Clinton's farewell speech told the American people
they were wonderful, and he loved them. Then, out of
habit, he added that he would call." --Dennis Miller

This is the way of the dieting woman:
She eats, wipes her mouth and says "I have done nothing."

"Love? Physiologically no different than eating large
quantities of chocolate." --John Milton, Devil's Advocate

"If you would be my lover/I would shelter you from tears
But if you would be my master/I would do anything."

"Go along with it, Skywalker, or I'll cut you in half."
--Miss Piggy

"Rush, rush, rush. Everyone's in such a hurry. Sometimes
you just have to stop and smell the burning flesh of sinners."
--Brimstone

Saw a bumpersticker the other day: "King James: The Bible
God uses." So what did God read before AD 1611?

I went down to the Men's Wearhouse that I keep hearing about.
What a disappointment: all they had were empties.

It was awful. It was the first ten minutes of Saving
Private Ryan, but with goldfish crackers instead of bullets.

Most people, their VCR blinks 12:00. Mine's fast.
It blinks 12:15. --Steven Wright

There are 3 kinds of men: Those who learn from reading.
Those who learn from observing.
And those who just have to pee on the electric fence.

When you get stuck, you can always eat something,
blow something up, or throw penguins. --Jim Henson

There are times when I'd like to have a "People
With Superior Lifestyles" convention and seal
the doors, so that they talk each other to death.

"Naked dancing girls aren't the answer to everything."
"They are if you're asking the right questions."--Laugh-In

My idea of a threesome is me and Ben & Jerry's.
--Guy Noir

"I dunno, Angel. Somehow cavorting with three bimbos in spandex doesn't
quite cancel two hours of subtext." (Commentary on finale of Jesus Christ Superstar)

"We're role-models. It's very stressful."
--Perry, Love! Valour! Compassion!

Cautionary tales don't end with: "And it was SO COOL!"

"Whenever you read a good fanfic, it's like the characters are right
there in the room talking to you, which is really annoying because
who told them they could drink all your booze?" --Deep Thoughts on
FanFiction

+1 Sig Line of Wittiness

"If they had fanfic back in the Dark Ages, I bet the most common question
readers would ask is, "Can't you put a catapult in this story?" No, I'm
sorry. That would violate canon." --Deep Fanfic Thoughts

"Armed and Dangerous. Isn't that redundant? I mean when are they ever armed
and gregarious?" --Dennis Miller

There have been no dragons in my life, only small spiders and stepping in
gum. I could have coped with dragons.

"Eventually you have to move on, or buy yourself a Klingon costume and go
with it." --Xander on living in the parental basement.

"Never thought I'd see the day an openly gay man was being given away with
hamburgers." --Amistead Maupin said of Ian McKellen on a Burger King glass.

Overhead in the Mommymobile: "But MOM! You know you can't navigate with
the Force. You get lost every time!"

Age breaks across my body like fine crystal. The shards reach my knees and I
am made painfully aware of their existence. --Maya Angelou

The Truth is Out There...
but I lost the URL.

It was kind of awards show where you couldn't swing a cat without hitting an
award winner, including the winner of The Best Cat Swinging Award.

"Moscow? We're in Russia?! We missed our exit, didn't we?"

I never take literature from strangers. Too many have tried to close my
mind.

"Crime tastes funny." --Andrew, BtVS

"After an evening spent chasing a padawan and a farmboy, I understand why
all the great Jedi masters are either grey or bald."

That's not an elephant in the living room, it's the shadow of a dust bunny
on the wall.

We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages
down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new
vocabulary. --Readerville

The Earth moved. The angels wept. The polaroids are in my other coat.
--Working Girl

We'll put it between the Betamax and my dad's old Pong game. Indiana Jones
couldn't find it there. --Pete, "Smallville"

After they had finished making love, Rhett said to Ashley, "By the way, did
I ever mention that my grandmother was black?" --Pat Conroy's response to
the writers' guidelines for the GWTW sequel

They say you think morals are pictures on walls and scruples is money in
Russia. --Sabrina

A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?