On Stalkers, Mansplaining and Fandom
Mar. 11th, 2015 10:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valarltdhttp://valarltd.livejournal.com/2127251.html
I talked about a stalker who was making me feel uncomfortable online.
There's a response. Go read it.
This is classic mansplaining. Note the telling me what to do: as if I hadn't already changed the ID in question. (I have had email since 1987. This LJ has been up since 2002. Please don't lecture me on things I already know)
Note the minimization, the excusing as a "dedicated fan." Yeah, tell it to Annie Wilkes and John Hinkley.
If it is a fan in question, this is a feral fan who has never been taught proper etiquette.
The first rule of fandom is Do Not Profit. These are not your creations, you do not get money.
The second is Do Not Approach the Talent. Do not put your fanwork in front of them (remember Blake's 7!). Do not send them tawdry sexual fantasies. Do not ask for freebies. Visit, be polite, and do not monopolize their time.
When I put something here, I put out as much of it as I am willing to share. Nobody has any right to more of it than that. Discussions in the comments are welcome, but will be shut down for gendered slurs.
Also the fun bit of "It's your own fault he's interested." There it is, folks: rape culture in a nutshell.
The line between fan and stalker can be a blurry one. But it is there. When the focus of the interest becomes aware of the interest and starts feeling the need to limit their life because of it, that's when it's been crossed.
I may have 35 pictures of Oded Fehr and 20 of Anjelica Huston on my computer, in their own files. I may even have photoshopped them together as visual inspiration. But they will never know this (Do Not Approach the Talent) and the pics are all from very public sources, often screencaps or magazine spreads. This is fandom. If I was taking the pictures with a telephoto lens, personally, and letting them know I had these, that would be different.
It's one thing to have a fanbase. It means hugs at conventions, someone coming over to check out the latest books and maybe mention "I get a kick out of your photodumps." It's another thing entirely to have someone pressing for more information than you're willing to make public, demanding photos of private activity or generally letting you know they know everywhere you are and what you are saying on the net.
I talked about a stalker who was making me feel uncomfortable online.
There's a response. Go read it.
This is classic mansplaining. Note the telling me what to do: as if I hadn't already changed the ID in question. (I have had email since 1987. This LJ has been up since 2002. Please don't lecture me on things I already know)
Note the minimization, the excusing as a "dedicated fan." Yeah, tell it to Annie Wilkes and John Hinkley.
If it is a fan in question, this is a feral fan who has never been taught proper etiquette.
The first rule of fandom is Do Not Profit. These are not your creations, you do not get money.
The second is Do Not Approach the Talent. Do not put your fanwork in front of them (remember Blake's 7!). Do not send them tawdry sexual fantasies. Do not ask for freebies. Visit, be polite, and do not monopolize their time.
When I put something here, I put out as much of it as I am willing to share. Nobody has any right to more of it than that. Discussions in the comments are welcome, but will be shut down for gendered slurs.
Also the fun bit of "It's your own fault he's interested." There it is, folks: rape culture in a nutshell.
The line between fan and stalker can be a blurry one. But it is there. When the focus of the interest becomes aware of the interest and starts feeling the need to limit their life because of it, that's when it's been crossed.
I may have 35 pictures of Oded Fehr and 20 of Anjelica Huston on my computer, in their own files. I may even have photoshopped them together as visual inspiration. But they will never know this (Do Not Approach the Talent) and the pics are all from very public sources, often screencaps or magazine spreads. This is fandom. If I was taking the pictures with a telephoto lens, personally, and letting them know I had these, that would be different.
It's one thing to have a fanbase. It means hugs at conventions, someone coming over to check out the latest books and maybe mention "I get a kick out of your photodumps." It's another thing entirely to have someone pressing for more information than you're willing to make public, demanding photos of private activity or generally letting you know they know everywhere you are and what you are saying on the net.
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no subject
Date: 2015-03-11 04:24 pm (UTC)Are you maybe doing/sending/writing anything special/unusual that would stoke the fires of this stalker?
What the ever-loving...? This is horrible.
no subject
Date: 2015-03-12 02:11 am (UTC)Yes, I know nothing online is private. Yes, I am putting information out there. This is not an invitation to pry for more details. I have put out what I am comfortable with.
no subject
Date: 2015-03-11 05:24 pm (UTC)People who "mean well" by giving that sort of advice are enabling an environment where abusers have all the power, because they can control people with fear, and there is so much resistance to putting the scrutiny on THEM where it belongs.
no subject
Date: 2015-03-12 02:09 am (UTC)FetLife...I have changed so thoroughly my own editor sent me a note saying "Do I know you?" Then again, it's not one of the places I hang out much, only from February to May.
no subject
Date: 2015-03-13 01:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-03-18 04:07 pm (UTC)