Life and Writing as Performance Art
Feb. 4th, 2015 11:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valarltdI'm a Scorpio. My rising sign is a Virgo/Leo cusp. This means I am secretive, brilliant, obsessive, perfectionistic, analytical, skeptical, observant, dynamic and passionate. It also imbues me with a dose of vain, stubborn, unyielding Drama Queen.
In keeping with the Leo, I live my life as a performance.
On my own, I sleep, I goof around, I eat TV dinners and I don't do much at all.
When others are paying attention: I work. I clean, I cook. I bake.
When others aren't paying attention, I tend to go about the first set of behaviors until nobody notices anything.
I have been playing for an unreceptive audience for many years. Cleaning disturbs the mental map. Food is eaten and forgotten. As long as there are enough socks, it doesn't matter how they got here.
I find the same problem in my writing. I hate writing by myself. I can do it for a short story. Doing a novel alone wrings me out. I have to tapdance for an audience. It's great when the audience is my one perfect reader/co-author. But lack of a wider audience, readers, is grinding on me.
Right now...I'm not in a good headspace. If it was up to me, Inkstained Succubus would contract nothing more, and shut our doors when the current contracts run out. I am pressing on simply out of obligation to my authors and my partner. If it was up to me, I would refund all the Indiegogo money from my tax return, and quit writing.
But it's not up to me.
I owe people.
And part of being an ISTJ, a firstborn and a Scorpio/Libra (and I give M-B, birth order and the zodiac about equal weight) is carrying out my duties.
Doesn't matter if the audience isn't paying attention. I contracted to play this venue. And by Thespia, the Show Goes ON!
In keeping with the Leo, I live my life as a performance.
On my own, I sleep, I goof around, I eat TV dinners and I don't do much at all.
When others are paying attention: I work. I clean, I cook. I bake.
When others aren't paying attention, I tend to go about the first set of behaviors until nobody notices anything.
I have been playing for an unreceptive audience for many years. Cleaning disturbs the mental map. Food is eaten and forgotten. As long as there are enough socks, it doesn't matter how they got here.
I find the same problem in my writing. I hate writing by myself. I can do it for a short story. Doing a novel alone wrings me out. I have to tapdance for an audience. It's great when the audience is my one perfect reader/co-author. But lack of a wider audience, readers, is grinding on me.
Right now...I'm not in a good headspace. If it was up to me, Inkstained Succubus would contract nothing more, and shut our doors when the current contracts run out. I am pressing on simply out of obligation to my authors and my partner. If it was up to me, I would refund all the Indiegogo money from my tax return, and quit writing.
But it's not up to me.
I owe people.
And part of being an ISTJ, a firstborn and a Scorpio/Libra (and I give M-B, birth order and the zodiac about equal weight) is carrying out my duties.
Doesn't matter if the audience isn't paying attention. I contracted to play this venue. And by Thespia, the Show Goes ON!
