Having sadz and thoughts
Jan. 6th, 2015 12:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valarltdLast night I helped install an eyebolt and chains for a friend.
And then I took a few minutes and moped because I am not in the right relationship. Nobody wants to chain me to the bed at night.
There comes a point when you have to realize that what you want, what you've wanted all your life is never going to happen. I've been kinky since I was 15. It's time to accept that after 32 years, I am never going to live a BDSM lifestyle, never going to have a master who treats me the way I want.
And it's probably time to quit playing on the fringes.
No sense tasting when I can't have the meal.
It hurts to come to this conclusion.
But I am not young. I am not sexy. And I have nothing to offer a top at this time, even if I could have one. Not that very many exist. Everyone around me is subs with occasional bouts of switchiness. I've encountered a handful or real doms, but there just aren't many.
And I feel like I'm going to starve.
And then I took a few minutes and moped because I am not in the right relationship. Nobody wants to chain me to the bed at night.
There comes a point when you have to realize that what you want, what you've wanted all your life is never going to happen. I've been kinky since I was 15. It's time to accept that after 32 years, I am never going to live a BDSM lifestyle, never going to have a master who treats me the way I want.
And it's probably time to quit playing on the fringes.
No sense tasting when I can't have the meal.
It hurts to come to this conclusion.
But I am not young. I am not sexy. And I have nothing to offer a top at this time, even if I could have one. Not that very many exist. Everyone around me is subs with occasional bouts of switchiness. I've encountered a handful or real doms, but there just aren't many.
And I feel like I'm going to starve.
