Kink Week

[valarltd]

So, Planned Parenthood made a video about kink.
And naturally, Fox News has its knickers in a knot.
http://www.fox17.com/news/features/around-the-web/stories/planned-parenthood-teaches-teens-about-s--m-warning-graphic-content-wztv.shtml#.UxNXgPldWSo

Let me address some of the obvious lies of this piece:

Planned Parenthood has a long sordid history of pushing inappropriate sexual relationships on teenagers, who should be focused on school and making friends. Instead, the abortion businesses promotes adult sexual relationships on children, knowing that will lead to pregnancy and potential abortions, which bring in big bucks for the nations number on abortion company.


1) Teenagers have been having sex since they discovered it. The numbers of teens having sex has held steady, as has the age, since about my grandmother's era.

2) Teen pregnancy and births have dropped precipitously in the last 20 years. The white and black girls are having them at less than HALF the rate they did in 1990, and Hispanic girls have dropped to about a third, not by a third, to a third.

From HHS:



3) Planned Parenthood provides service to over 3 million women a year. Abortion accounts for about 3% of these services, and about a quarter of the abortion services in the US. In short, calling PP an abortion company is like saying America is a Jewish nation. The numbers are about the same. (Oh wait, aren't these the same people who think the 1.5% of the population who are Muslim are ready to stage a takeover?)

Yes, PP receives taxpayer dollars. Richard Nixon, a REPUBLICAN president, started the funding, under Title X of the Family Planning and Population Research Act. By law, none of the money can go to performing abortions for women needing them.

That's just the first paragraph. If I dissect the rest, we'll be here all day. Go read it and mock for yourself.


Now, let's talk about the video.

Frankly, I find her perkiness off-putting.
But her information is sound.

These days, with the garbage of 50 Shades, the BDSM community is in crisis. We're having a sudden influx of people who have read ONLY EL James. And they do not get it. They get some of the forms, but they miss the point. And they're dangerous.

The D-Man, a frequent commenter here, is a DM in his local scene. He tells me he has had intervene on a LOT of scenes lately. Used to be there might be one or two a night that went bad. Now, it's closer to half a dozen. The new tops have no idea of negotiation, safewords or aftercare. And the subs don't know to expect it.

At FroliCon, we get the curious who get a lot of enlightenment when they start attending classes.

A good BDSM scene comes in three phases:
Negotiation.
Play.
Aftercare.

In the Negotiation phase, the people agree to a scene, agree to who is on top, discuss what is to be done, discuss hard limits and physical limitations, set up safeguards, and generally connect. (this is always fun if done while sorting through a toy box and snuggling)

Play is the actual scene itself. The top has the responsibility of constantly monitoring the bottom's mental and physical state. Some people go so far down into subspace that they can no longer talk. A good top knows how far down a sub is, and how to bring them up far enough to be monitored. I'm one of those who goes too deep, too fast and has to be brought back up to be functional for play. A good top checks with the sub. A series of three safewords works well for me and many others. "Green" means "all good, keep going." "Yellow" means "Quick hold, we have an easily fixable problem." And "red" is "get me out of this right now!" Calling a yellow, as I once did when cropped on my sciatica, does not end the scene. It just makes the scene readjust. A red sends the scene into aftercare.

Aftercare is arguably the most important part of the scene. Blankets, water and cuddles are a primary component. The top and bottom reconnect. The top brings the bottom up--gently, too fast gives us the psyche's equivalent of the bends--and they assess the scene. They talk about what worked, what didn't, what to repeat, what to do differently, what to not try again for a while.


Telling teens, most of whom are going to read sexy kinky books at some point, the truth about BDSM, is NOT a bad thing in my book. They have the internet. They're going to see the most extreme fringe acts presented as ordinary. (10 lb weights on the nipples is a Sometimes Treat) They're going to see sex and sexualization of kink without context or community. They're going to read EL James, AN Rocqulare, The Story of O and John Norman, as I did.

They need to know these books are fantasy, the kind of books kinky people like to read. They need the perspective of fact. They need good kinky books, which accurately depict kinky people. They need to know safety procedures and rules. They need community mentoring, after legal age. They need to communicate, which is already difficult when talking about vanilla sex.

The remedy for bad speech is better speech.
The remedy for ignorance is the free flow of knowledge.

We are up against those who don't want knowledge and want to censor all speech but theirs.
So Speak Up!

Comments

The D-Man Checks In

[(Anonymous)]

Bravo & hear, hear!
If one is going to do anything, take the time to learn to do it right... and know your limits (as well as those who put themselves in your care/collar). It only takes ONE careless and/or unwitting moment to do real & maybe permantent damage.

Too many (would-be) Dom's do not understand that having power & control (being the top) also means having ultimate RESPONSIBILITY. If something goes wrong in your scene, it is your reputation as well as your submissive that will suffer. Accidents happen & mistakes will be made. Nobody is perfect. Some things can be forgiven; some things can't & shouldn't be. Too many accidents and/or mistakes, or just ONE BIG accident or mistake that leaves somebody seriousy hurt... and then NOBODY (sane) will play with you, plus you can end up banned from BDSM gatherings, events, & kink-friendly households... and any thusly earned bad reputation as somebody unsafe to associate and/or play with WILL follow & haunt you for months if not years afterwards.

On the flip side of that coin: Too many submissives/slaves/bottoms do not understand that being a submissive/slave/bottom does not mean letting "anything" be done to you for another's pleasure, and you're just supposed to take it or you're not a good submissive/slave/bottom. Everyone (sane) has limits. Make yours known. Make sure yours are respected. (If nothing else, that is what the DM is for.)

Know what you are capable of.
Know the capabilities/exprience of your partner(s).
Know what the instruments you are going to use, or that you shall have used on you, are capable of. In the wrong and/or insufficiently experienced hands... whips, clamps, ropes, fire, and almost any other instrument of torture found in a dungeon can do hellacious & permanent damage very quickly, and it only takes a split second to take too far something that was supposed to be fun, but now it's just ugly (and maybe so are you).

Play safe.