valarltd | In honor of Father's Day: Bad Dads

Gacked from MSN Entertainment.

"In honor of non-lecherous, non-manipulative, non-psychopathic fathers everywhere, we present our list of the baddest dads ever to parent on the big screen. It's guaranteed to make you appreciate fatherhood on a whole new level. So put "Cat's in the Cradle" on repeat and dive on in..."

Runners Up:
Glen Whitehouse (James Coburn) in "Affliction"
Earl Partridge (Jason Robards) in "Magnolia"
Malachy McCourt (Robert Carlyle) in "Angela's Ashes"
Dad Meiks (Bill Paxton) in "Frailty"
Leland Parker (Ray Wise) in "Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me"
Joe St. George (David Strathairn) in "Dolores Claiborne"
Norman Osborn (Willem Dafoe) in "Spider-Man"
Dwight (Robert De Niro) in "This Boy's Life"
Frank Stark (Jim Backus), a.k.a. Jim's father, in "Rebel Without a Cause"
Allie Fox (Harrison Ford) in "The Mosquito Coast"

10. Jim Court in "Say Anything..."
Most fathers would be thrilled if their daughter brought home Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack): he's polite, responsible, and respectful -- an all-around good egg. But divorced dad Jim Court (John Mahoney) predicts greatness for his daughter Diane (Ione Skye). All he sees in kickboxing, business-averse Lloyd is mediocrity. Diane's growing affection for Lloyd tests her relationship with her dad, which is based on complete openness and honesty. He's her "best friend," and she can "say anything" to him (she even tells him she had sex with Lloyd. D'oh!). But Jim is actually a master manipulator, guilting Diane into dumping Lloyd (he suggests giving him a pen as a parting gift, prompting Lloyd's heartbreaking pronouncement, "I gave her my heart... She gave me a pen"), and abusing her trust by stealing from the elderly and lying to her about it. The irony of Jim Court is that in trying to be the best dad he could be to Diane (he stole the money for her; he wants her to find a boyfriend more worthy), he becomes a quintessential bad dad by betraying the person who loves him most. But at least he got his pen back.
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9. Royal in "The Royal Tenenbaums"
A few things a good dad doesn't do to his kids: he doesn't steal their fortunes; he doesn't shoot them with a BB gun; he doesn't blame them for the breakup of his marriage; he doesn't bring them to dog fights; and he doesn't lie to them about having six weeks to live. Meet Royal Tenenbaum (Gene Hackman), guilty of all of the above and much, much more. When Royal learns his long estranged wife (Anjelica Huston) may soon remarry, he insinuates himself back into his family's life by claiming he has cancer. Royal figures this is his chance to get to know his three genius children, who aren't exactly itching for a family reunion. When they were young, Royal played favorites, preferring tennis ace Richie (Luke Wilson) over business whiz Chas (Ben Stiller), from whom he stole cash and bonds, and playwright Margot (Gwyneth Paltrow), who was adopted at age two and whom Royal thereafter introduced as "my adopted daughter." Royal tries to redeem his fatherly failure by playing pappy to Chas's two overprotected sons. His idea of good, clean grandfatherly fun? Jaywalking, shoplifting chocolate milk, and riding on the back of a speeding garbage truck.

8. Col. Bull Meechum in "The Great Santini"
Think your relationship with your dad needs work? Pop in "The Great Santini" and you'll feel like you have the most functional father-son dynamic ever. Robert Duvall is Bull Meechum (a.k.a. The Great Santini), an egocentric, machismo-driven marine fighter pilot who sees no difference between his family and his troops; he bullies his loving wife and four children into soldierly submission. The tyrannical Meechum despises weakness and believes winning is the only option. A gracious loser he ain't. In the film's pivotal scene, Meechum's oldest son Ben (Michael O'Keefe) defeats his old man in a game of one-on-one basketball. Dad deals with the loss by winging the ball off the back of Ben's head again and again, trying to get his son to cry like a little girl, a technique apparently studied by the Santini-esque b-ball coach Bobby Knight.
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7. Dr. Evil in the "Austin Powers" trilogy
"You're quasi-evil, you're semi-evil, you're the margarine of evil," Dr. Evil (Mike Myers) taunts his son Scott (Seth Green), who has failed to live up to the nefarious family moniker. "You're the Diet Coke of evil! Just one calorie -- not evil enough!" Verbal abuse is just one of Dr. Evil's bad dad behaviors. He also dismisses his son's dream of being a veterinarian. "An evil veterinarian?" Dr. Evil asks hopefully. Not so much. Neither therapy nor Jerry Springer has healed the family's emotional chasm (made worse by Dr. Evil being partially frozen in space during Scott's formative years), and Scott fears his disappointed pop wants him dead, a notion his therapist dismisses. "No, actually the boy is quite astute," Dr. Evil confesses. "I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He's quite wily like his old man." All the paternal affection Dr. Evil cruelly withholds from Scott he instead showers on his bite-sized clone, Mini-Me (Verne Troyer), whom he feels is a more worthy successor to the Evil empire: "He's evil, he wants to take over the world, and he fits easily into most overhead bins."

5. & 6. Lester Burnham and Colonel Frank Fitts in "American Beauty"
One father is dead inside; the other is simply homicidal. Together, they barely form one father figure, and even he'd be a pretty sorry excuse for a patriarch. Depressed, dumpy Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey) hates his life, but he slowly wakens from his suburban stupor after a revelatory cheerleading performance by his daughter Janie's (Thora Birch) jailbait friend Angela (Mena Suvari). Faster than you can say Humbert Humbert, Lester is in deep lust, earning his bad dad stripes by attempting to seduce Angela during a sleepover. "I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy," bitches Janie, who has barely spoken to her father in months and fantasizes about having him killed. Meanwhile, in the house next door, Janie's boyfriend Ricky (Wes Bentley) lives under the autocratic rule of his dad, the explosively violent Col. Frank Fitts (Chris Cooper). The repressed, closeted Colonel, who collects guns and Nazi memorabilia, tells his son he'd rather see him dead than gay. His idea of discipline? Punching the stuffing out of Ricky, who has learned to accept his father's fists in his face with an appreciative, "Yes, sir, thank you for trying to teach me. Don't give up on me, Dad."
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4. Hank Grotowski in "Monster's Ball"
"You've always hated me, haven't you?" Sonny (Heath Ledger) asks his father Hank (Billy Bob Thornton) in the harrowing "Monster's Ball." "Yes, I have," is the unemotional reply. Daddy dysfunction runs rampant in the Grotowski clan: Hank's father Buck (Peter Boyle) is an abusive, wretched racist, and expects nothing less from his son and grandson. Problem is Sonny isn't like the other two men. Sure, he took a job as a corrections officer, just like they did, but he's too kind, gentle, and accepting to be a Grotowski. How do we know? While escorting a death row prisoner (Sean "P. Diddy" Combs) to his doom, an emotional Sonny loses his lunch, sending Hank into a violent rage that results in the son's total humiliation and eventual suicide. Hank's compassionate response to Sonny's death: "He was weak." He doesn't even shed a tear at Sonny's funeral, insisting, "All I want is to hear dirt hittin' that box." But Hank isn't completely lost. His soul begins to thaw after he hooks up with Halle Berry. But then, whose soul wouldn't?

3. Noah Cross in "Chinatown"
You know you're a bad dad when you're not only your kid's father -- you're her grandfather, too. Ewwwwww. So goes the saga of Roman Polanski's neo-noir classic "Chinatown," in which domineering dad Noah Cross (John Huston) sires a daughter with his daughter, Evelyn Mulwray (Faye Dunaway). (Say it with us: Ick). Daddy doesn't want his little girls to stray too far, so he murders Evelyn's husband in order to cozy up to his now grown granddaughter-cum-daughter, Katherine. Private eye Jake Gittes (Jack Nicholson) uncovers the truth -- and a more complicated Cross scam involving the Los Angeles water supply that we won't get into here -- and confronts the monstrous millionaire. "I don't blame myself," Cross smugly tells Gittes. "Most people never have to face the fact that, at the right time and the right place, they're capable of...anything!" Cross's coup de grace? His hired guns murder Evelyn as she tries to protect Katherine from her predatory papa-cum-grandpa. In the film's final moments, the immoral, vicious Cross leads the doomed Katherine away, and Gittes is helpless to stop him.
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2. Jack Torrance in "The Shining"
If you keep your eyes closed during the third act of "The Shining," you might actually think that Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) is an okay dad. After all, he plays hide and seek with his young son Danny ("Come out, come out wherever you are"), recites nursery rhymes ("Three Little Pigs," if you're wondering), and does impressions ("Heeeeere's Johnny!"). Unfortunately, he's doing all this while wielding an extra-pointy ax that he plans on using to hack his terrified family into little bitty bits. In other words, Jack isn't going to win Father of the Year. Not that he was in the running before he turned homicidal. Years before, he dislocated Danny's arm in a drunken rage, an act of abuse he explains away as "a momentary loss of muscular coordination." Uh-huh. And taking a job as a winter caretaker of an isolated mountain resort where a gruesome murder took place is simply a good way to start "a new writing project." We guess it's like they say (wait for it)... "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." And a dead one.

1. Darth Vader in "The Empire Strikes Back"
Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) is having a lousy day. Darth Vader, his mortal enemy, has not only lasered off his arm in a light saber duel to the death, but he's trying to recruit him to the Dark Side. "I'll never join you!" screams Luke, reminding Vader that he killed his daddy. "No, I am your father," bombshells the mouth-breathing Dark Lord. Luke, who for years has lived in mind-numbing fear of the villainous Vader, doesn't cotton to the fact that they share DNA. "That's not true!" whines Luke. "That's impossible!" Vader, to his paternal credit, does try to reach out to Luke, offering his hand so they can "rule the galaxy as father and son," because, after all, "It's your destiny." See, like many bad dads, Vader is trying to force Luke into a career he doesn't really want (plus, there's that whole "trying to kill him" thing). He fails to realize that by repeatedly reminding Luke of his "destiny" and how strong the Force is in him, he's only making him more resolved against following in dear old dad's jack-booted, universe-conquering footsteps.