Update

[valarltd]

Songs for Guitar and French Harp: 5191/20000
Masquerade:11,813/20,000

That's 2050 words
so I can write on the Nicks.

Nick & Corban: 351 words
Corban in Control: 367

Total:2768

8552 total!


I have a bit that could be problematic. moon_storm and any other editors, I'm taking suggestions. Is the fact that Gordon is 16 at this point a deal-breaker?

I slipped around to the back of the trailer, where it hooked up to the living trailers. There were six and I had no idea how I would find him. Then I smiled and took a deep breath. Gordon was back here somewhere and I knew what he smelled like.

I kept breathing and turned in a slow circle, smelling for the spice and desert and Gordon. There. I padded that way, being as quiet as my shambling body allowed. He was in the trailer farthest from the midway. I paused outside the window where I smelled him most strongly and listened.

I could smell he wasn't alone. And I could hear heavy breathing and rhythmic thumps. It dawned on me what it was. If I weren't furry, I'd have blushed.

This was more embarassing than listening to Mama. Then I started feeling sick. A deep, angry sort of sick that made me want to tear through the thin metal skin of the trailer and bite and claw and eat.

Then I heard something under the heavy breathing. A soft little sob and a low growl. And the sick bloomed into full rage. Someone was hurting my Gordon. I stopped myself from tearing open the trailer and ran for the woods on the other side of the midway.

On two feet, I could manage a shambling run, so I dropped to all fours and lolloped along a lot faster. Once I reached the sweet, clean woods, I let out a bellow that made two of the operators camped on that side look out of their tents.

I dug my short claws into the bark of a tree and ripped down, like I longed to rip into the human who was hurting my Gordon. But if I did, Gordon and I would both die for it and Mama too, most likely. Constructs weren't people.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

The D-Man Checks In: Not seeing where the "problematic" here is, and you know how much I love to add spice to the sauce. I honestly could not find anything. In my opinion, although far from complete, from what I've read... it stands fine all on its own (thus far).

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

I have two major things that some editors will balk at in that passage: Gordon is 16, and he's being raped. I figured since it is a plot point, aids in main character development and is neither eroticized nor explicit, it should pass muster. (there are ways I can change it if I have to)

And no, the snippet is nothing approaching complete. The story isn't complete. I'm getting there though.

[stormsdotter.livejournal.com]

"I slipped around to the back of the trailer, where it hooked up to the power and water."

I'm confused by the context; she talks about being 'furry' so I'm assuming she's a werewolf, but then you go on to talk about 'constructs' so I gather she's permanently anthro? If so, I would change that to, "I would have blushed, but my fur covered it."

As a side note, You can tell if someone is blushing under make/up and light prosthetics; there's something about the eyes and facial expression that gives it away. I have been make to blush in full Dark Elf make-up.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

He is a bear-construct, an anthro.

The bigger problem is that I've just written underage rape. And a LOT of publishers won't touch that with a 10' pole.

[moons-storm.livejournal.com]

I don't see any problem with it as written. You didn't really write a rape scene, but wrote one character hearing the violation and reacting to it. I think it's different than writing the full rape scene of an underaged character while in that character's head. As is, I have no problem with it. Reading it, it's not glorifying the scene as an arousing, erotic act. :)

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

I thought it'd be okay. It's definitely not eroticized. And poor Arthur hearing all this is traumatized.

But some editors have turned down books where a teenager is cleaning up from the aftermath of committing patricide, in order to avoid one more session of ongoing abuse.