Word count and excerpt
Nov. 2nd, 2009 07:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valarltdI fail at focus....
2117 words on the airship pirates.
408 on Uncanny Valley
Have some steampunk. It's more fun.
The great luxury airship, Star of the Sky, cruised elegantly against the August sunset, her engines churning along, her colorful dirigible envelope full. The swells on her deck moved about in bustled summer gowns and dinner attire, sipping cocktails and chattering about sporting events, shuffleboard and whist.
Belowdecks stank of coal and burning, the hellish heat increased by occasional bursts of steam from the various boilers, the whistle breaking up the work-chants of the crew. Henry Toben mopped his face with a sweat- and oil-soaked handkerchief, stuffed it back into his overalls and checked his boiler again, bleeding off a bit of steam as it got too full. The pressure gauge had been running redline all trip and the boiler was heating too quickly.
Must have a thin spot, Henry decided. When they landed, he would check every weld and rivet and plate of it. The ship's bell clanged out eight strokes. End of the last dog watch. He was free until morning watch. When Barger came to relieve him, he pointed out the problematic pressure gauge and went up into the crew quarters.
After a wash, since the Star had running water even for the crew, he found his way to the crew's relaxation deck. Unlike a sailing ship, there was no need for a completely enclosed hull and the company believed men worked better when they could have some fresh air.
Henry walked the railing at the edge, feeling the wind in his face as the warm night lay over the country. They would be in San Francisco tomorrow night. He had a week's pay coming and the food was always good there. He'd slip down to the wharves and watch the men on the sailing ships come in with their catch, buy a dozen oysters alive, and pay a street-lady to steam them in her cooking pot. He snorted laughter as Gideon came to the rail beside him.
“What's funny, Henry?” the big man asked. Being black, he was relegated to the hardest work, shoveling the coal and tending the fires.
“Thinking of dinner tomorrow. Ready to spend that week's pay already. Some good whiskey, some oysters and--”
Gideon clapped him on the back. “If you eating oysters, you gonna need a woman. Your pay's already spent, ain't it?”
Henry just nodded. “That's the funny part. I wasn't thinking about a woman. Just about how good some fresh oysters with a little salt would taste when I remembered how oysters make you want someone.”
Gideon shook his head and looked out at the stars. “No fancy food or fancy women for me. I'm putting by. I can't shovel coal forever. I'm thirty, Henry, near as I can reckon it, and my back ain't getting any less sore. I'm gonna get down on the ground, buy me a little house, find me a pretty gal to marry and lots of fat babies. Every one of them is gonna go to school and not one will shovel coal. They are gonna ride above decks, Henry, not sweat their lives away in the hold.”
“Luck to that. The way they pay us is a sin to Crockett. Gonna take you another ten years to put by enough for any of that.”
Gideon just smiled. “Got my ways, Henry, I do indeed.” He rolled and lit a cigarette and strolled off along the deck.
He never saw the grappling spear that impaled him.
2117 words on the airship pirates.
408 on Uncanny Valley
Have some steampunk. It's more fun.
The great luxury airship, Star of the Sky, cruised elegantly against the August sunset, her engines churning along, her colorful dirigible envelope full. The swells on her deck moved about in bustled summer gowns and dinner attire, sipping cocktails and chattering about sporting events, shuffleboard and whist.
Belowdecks stank of coal and burning, the hellish heat increased by occasional bursts of steam from the various boilers, the whistle breaking up the work-chants of the crew. Henry Toben mopped his face with a sweat- and oil-soaked handkerchief, stuffed it back into his overalls and checked his boiler again, bleeding off a bit of steam as it got too full. The pressure gauge had been running redline all trip and the boiler was heating too quickly.
Must have a thin spot, Henry decided. When they landed, he would check every weld and rivet and plate of it. The ship's bell clanged out eight strokes. End of the last dog watch. He was free until morning watch. When Barger came to relieve him, he pointed out the problematic pressure gauge and went up into the crew quarters.
After a wash, since the Star had running water even for the crew, he found his way to the crew's relaxation deck. Unlike a sailing ship, there was no need for a completely enclosed hull and the company believed men worked better when they could have some fresh air.
Henry walked the railing at the edge, feeling the wind in his face as the warm night lay over the country. They would be in San Francisco tomorrow night. He had a week's pay coming and the food was always good there. He'd slip down to the wharves and watch the men on the sailing ships come in with their catch, buy a dozen oysters alive, and pay a street-lady to steam them in her cooking pot. He snorted laughter as Gideon came to the rail beside him.
“What's funny, Henry?” the big man asked. Being black, he was relegated to the hardest work, shoveling the coal and tending the fires.
“Thinking of dinner tomorrow. Ready to spend that week's pay already. Some good whiskey, some oysters and--”
Gideon clapped him on the back. “If you eating oysters, you gonna need a woman. Your pay's already spent, ain't it?”
Henry just nodded. “That's the funny part. I wasn't thinking about a woman. Just about how good some fresh oysters with a little salt would taste when I remembered how oysters make you want someone.”
Gideon shook his head and looked out at the stars. “No fancy food or fancy women for me. I'm putting by. I can't shovel coal forever. I'm thirty, Henry, near as I can reckon it, and my back ain't getting any less sore. I'm gonna get down on the ground, buy me a little house, find me a pretty gal to marry and lots of fat babies. Every one of them is gonna go to school and not one will shovel coal. They are gonna ride above decks, Henry, not sweat their lives away in the hold.”
“Luck to that. The way they pay us is a sin to Crockett. Gonna take you another ten years to put by enough for any of that.”
Gideon just smiled. “Got my ways, Henry, I do indeed.” He rolled and lit a cigarette and strolled off along the deck.
He never saw the grappling spear that impaled him.
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no subject
Date: 2009-11-03 03:43 am (UTC)no subject
Question: In this age of floating luxury airships (so the owners obviously have money for security) & dangerous sky pirates... How is it a hostile airship can pull within grappling range of another airship without being heard and/or spotted by lookouts--likely stationed top, bottom, fore & aft, plus along the sides? I am sure somebody has dreamed up spotlights by now (the prototype of the 1st spotlight was invented in 1816 by Thomas Drummond) to shine about during night-time flying to look for & spot out hostiles, stray weather balloons, another ship that's running without lights due to power failure (or just too poor to afford them, or maybe pirates not wanting to be seen), or any other aerial hazards. Might even have 1-2 bi-planes that dock & hook on the larger airship's under-carriage (U.S. military blimps patrolling the American east coast for enemy warships & submarines during WWI had such things) that can fly around the mother ship's perimeter to scout for such hazards--and maybe fill them with hot lead if they're spotted & unwilling to wave off getting too close.
Suggestions: In this age of floating luxury airships (so the owners obviously have money for security) & dangerous sky pirates... You should think a luxury ship like this would sport a wee garrison of armed security personnel to handle just such emergencies... Not to mention certain wealthy passengers likely traveling with their own personal bodyguards.
I'd say you could bet your brass buttons the Titanic & Queen Mary would have had such things (spotlights, armed security personnel, aircraft, and maybe even deck guns) if "they" had to deal with pirates... and I know for a fact that many modern-day cargo ships & tankers sailing anywhere near the pirate-infested waters off Somalia these days are now sporting or seriously thinking about soon installing these things (although not yet the deck guns) as a matter of practical necessity & security.
Not trying to muck up your story, but I do think it would make more sense, and make a much more thrilling tale.
Pirates could already have one of their own aboard ship (I'm sure they're always hiring deck apes to work below decks, and that dicey boiler our main character noticed earlier could be an act of sabotage. Blow the ship's power at a certain time of night, you lose the spotlights & running lights, plus the propellers. An emergency generator of this time period will only last just so long, and power only essential lighting--presuming the saboteur has not also jigged with that. No lights leaves the bi-planes unable to launch or to be safely retrieved if likely already out at sunset--since their pilots will have nothing to see by, and you certainly don't want a plane risking a crash into a lighter-than-air airship. Low on fuel, the planes will need to leave & seek an airfield someplace. No lights & no circling bi-planes then allow the pirates to slip in & board before any alarm can be raised. Battling in the dark will put the luxury ship's garrison at a disadvantage as the pirates then take to fighting down & dirty (most ungentlemanly), and taking hostages to negotiate with; maybe even storming the bridge to quickly take control of the ship.
Just some thoughts.....
no subject
Date: 2009-11-04 05:11 pm (UTC)Your suggestions are good and may get implemented. Do not expect to see a LOT of implementation.
You have, once again, focused on the Macguffin. This is not the story. This is the action that sets the story in motion. And I don't want to spend a lot of time on the set up when I only have 75 pages to play with.
I do like the idea of sabotage, tho'.
no subject
Safety of the passengers 1st might work against the garrison as hostages are taken, especially if the pirates take the bridge... "Convincing" the ship's Captain to surrender to avoid needless injury & deaths among both his passengers & crew--including his own as the point of a bloodied saber rests at the base of this throat while the leader of the pirate boarding party (unlikely the pirate captain himself, who will likely remain aboard his own ship to keep watch for trouble and be ready with a quick get-away if needed) "explains the situation & his limited options" to him--and the ship could fall within minutes... presuming we are dealing with practiced & professional pirates who have been at this racket for a while.
Not sure how you are going to pull or coax a romance out of this in just 75 pages, but I am keen to find out.
Pirates might shanghai the main character, as they are in need of a new engineer or bosun's mate, and he's the only one they didn't seal below decks when they took the ship. Romance could then maybe spark between him & a lady hostage--either taken for ransom or the pirates' pleasure.
Ship's garrison & remaining crew might put up a heroic struggle, thus maybe taking days for the pirates to take the whole ship. The pirates could be after a certain passenger (either for who he/she is, or what he/she knows, or what he/she is carrying on his/her person)... and they ain't leaving until they get what they came for. In the meantime, they can take the captured airship in tow & haul it way off the grid so search parties looking for her once she is declared overdue won't find her. This could allow for a hurried, hot & desperate romance between numerous thrilling battles as the pirates try this & that approach to get what they came for... only to be bested & beaten back each time (perhaps sometimes only just).
I could go on, but I'm sure you have your own ideas...
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 05:46 pm (UTC)As I said, you've focused on the Macguffin. The raid is ONLY important in that it gets our characters together. A bicycle accident could have accomplished the same thing.
And why on earth would my hero want a lady? He see them as fragile frail fainting things that barely have legs and are completely useless.