odd thoughts

[valarltd]

I have come to the conclusion that overtly performing any gender feels like drag to me.

Dressing in unisex, jeans and polo/t-shirt has become so much my norm these days that any deviation tends to unsettle me.

A dress and flats feels as odd as a shirt, vest and tie. Makeup feels gunky on my face all day long. The only place I don't mind performing a gender is with my scent. I like florals and fruity scents of apricot and plum and peach. But dressing male is not currently an option given my body shape.

One thing about Dragon*con, I was looking, but I wasn't wanting (until well into a much-too-alcoholic drink). Ordinarily at any convention, I encounter at least a couple people that make my body scream "DO WANT!" At D*C, nothing until I'd been drinking.

I don't get it. But it is something to ponder.

Comments

[reannon.livejournal.com]

Does it apply to the velvet jumpsuit? Because it looks comfortable and very feminine and flattering on you.

I think to a certain extent we all dress in certain roles. I personally am most comfortable in sweatpants and a tank top. But there are certain clothes I wear as "reporter" and certain clothes I wear as "author," and they rarely overlap. Reporter may wear a suitdress or slacks and a suit jacket, but she's not going to show up in Author's flowy skirts (and certainly not the corset). Clothing reflects the role we current play.

EDIT: Also, I know nothing about drag, so this may be very ignorant. But you say it "feels like drag" as though it feels unnatural to you. Isn't the point of drag that it feels natural to the person who wears it? It's others' perceptions of it that make it "unnatural" or some such silliness. Again, I may be completely off-base.

Then again, as I am both fashion-challenged and girl-illiterate, I should shut up. :)

SON OF EDIT: Hey, who were you wanting at that party! I missed it. :)

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

It goes double for the jumpsuit. That thing is bleeding AWKWARD in all the wrong ways and I suspect I will be retiring it soon. I love jumpsuits, but back zippers kill me.

The thing is, there is no difference between the style of my at-home clothes and my work clothes. The only thing that differs is shoes. Only the author gets a different wardrobe.

In the sense I'm using and understand the terms (and I will probably get flambe'd for this):
Drag is deliberately unnatural. It is a lampooning of gender expectations and total performance. Drag is over-the-top with no effort made at really passing. Cross-dressing, however, should feel natural because that's where people are trying to pass.

There was a lady in a corset and chemise whose bosom bounded abundantly over her clothing. There were any number of sexy guys from the hot little femme boy to the bear I was visiting with as I drank. By the end of the evening, there was something hot about EVERYONE.

[reannon.livejournal.com]

Heh. I saw the drunk little femme boy and thought, "He's right out of one of Angel's books." :) Does nothing for me, but enjoy! Though I think he was passed out fifteen minutes after we got there. Ah, con.

[celestinenox]

Gender is funny (in a "weird" way and not a "haha" way).

While I feel perfectly comfortable in my physical female body, I couldn't tell you that I feel female. I don't know what "feeling female" is, because I just am what I am. Does "feeling female" mean I should want to dress up and wear makeup? If so, that's only rarely. But I can't say I'd be happier with a penis and without boobs (though I wouldn't mind giving a little bit of what I've got away).

The only way I know to describe "feeling" a certain gender is by the gender stereotypes society has created, and I know that's not right.

So... eh. I'm just me. Is that androgyny? D: I don't know!

Hmmm...

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

I wonder... In my case, it's not as much gender as comfort. I don't actually own any dresses any more. I have a few skirts, including, most notably, this suit, which is more a costume than anything else, but I live in pants now.

I feel strange in makeup too, and have given up scents due to allergy/migraine problems.

I don't look on any of this as gender-related, though.

These days, I don't much money to spare on fripperies to wear on only a few occasions, and when I do buy such things, I don't want to wear anything that'll torture me.

My tits were never anything to write home about, and when I was younger and dressing up a lot, I never did a lot to emphasize them. I made the most of my hair (which really USED to be red), my eyes, and the colors of my clothes. So corsets, spandexy things, etc. weren't my thing. I went for ethnic stuff, vintage, and the unique.

Maybe that's why I was never a real femme fatale.

[sunfell.livejournal.com]

Gender is a social construct. It's a mold to fit people, a place to pigeonhole them.

That said, yes, I am biologically female, but gender-wise, I'm neutral. I own and wear both gender's clothing, although I do prefer the ease and understatedness of male clothing better. I dislike 'drag'- especially the high heels, dresses, accessories, fussy hair, makeup and jewelry of most females. I do feel like I am in 'drag' when I wear such things. Sadly, my body is too curvy to carry off most male clothing, unless it is really too big for me. The lone exception was my military uniform.

My preferred style of dress is simple, practical, and understated.

[(Anonymous)]

The D-Man Checks In: One thing about Dragon*con, You were looking, but you weren't wanting (until well into a much-too-alcoholic drink). Ordinarily at any convention, you encounter at least a couple people that make your body scream "DO WANT!" At D*C, nothing until you had been drinking...

=-=-=-=-=

Alcohol merely removes inhibitions; all those things family, society, religion, profession, self-esteem & our peer group(s) place upon us to hold us back. Might be why they call booze: Liquid Courage.

Drunks will rarely do anything when under the influence of alcohol that they would not do sober--other than live on the wild side, once the booze strips away their inhibitions. That is to say, if you are not a violent person by nature, you will not be a violent drunk. If you are a rude, crude & violent person by nature, you will become more-so when drunk. If you are a romantic at heart, you will become all the more-so when drunk--albeit most likely a very clumsy & awkward romantic. If you're a repressed closet slut, once you've been drinking you will be out of the closet & after anything appealing on 2 legs. If you're a dare-devil by nature, you'll get drunk & go walking around ledges of 20 story buildings just to prove you can, or play Chicken with freight trains. Alcohol does nothing in the end but strip you down to & expose your core being; be that good or bad.

I'd wager that it's not that you don't want... It's that you've been off the market & out of circulation for so long that it feels awkward to you now when you get the chance & opportunities to mingle & flirt. Wager the same for you wearing the feminine clothing & cosmetics. How long has it been since you really did? Like they say: "If you don't use it, you lose it."

There's also personal body-image to consider: If you don't like how you look, and can't imagine anyone wanting to exchange lustful glances with you, it's naturally going to leave you with low expectations (kinda like, "Why bother?") and some pretty strong inhibitions--which might then require a pretty strong alcoholic drink to overcome.

Get back into doing it again, and it should come back to you quickly enough.

Writing is about the same way.
How does it feel to try writing a good story if you've gone through a long dry spell & have not put pen to paper for a while? Awkward? Strange? Uncomfortable? Get it going again, and after a bit it all comes back to you & there's magic once again crossing the pages.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

Of course the fact I've considered a sex change since I was 14 has NOTHING AT ALL to do with the fact I'm having more and more trouble performing femininity. And the fact I am aging and my energy levels are dropping couldn't POSSIBLY be the cause of a lowered libido.

Or maybe there is an even easier explanation: Stress.
The expense of the con was constantly niggling in the back of my mind. The hotel was vertigo-inducing and left me pale and shaking the first time I rode the elevator. I was getting about 4 hours of sleep and spending the rest of the time plotting how to get more sales.

Is it any wonder I was regarding other people as moving decorative hazards as opposed to people I might be interested in?

[(Anonymous)]

The D-man Replies: Sex-change operation or no, the fact that you are bi-sexual with strong butch overtones might be explanation enough as to your awkward feelings towards being feminine, let alone the lack of recent practice or even expectation (from yourself or those closest to you).

Age...? Possibly, but then I also know several women your (and my) age with very healthy libidos & very active sex lives. It -is- a factor to consider though, as my own wife (approaching 50 now) gets as excited about sex these days as she does about doing laundry. It's something to do; not something to enjoy.

Stress would also be a biggie.