What Tham wants, Tham gets
Feb. 28th, 2004 02:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valarltdSo, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
thamiris declared it Threeway Weekend.
And I have a zine that just happened to have timed out.
So, without further ado, here is "Simply Irresistible" originally published in Con*Stricted by Plot 3. Star wars, as ususal. Luke/Han mostly. Definitely explicit. Warnings available.
Simply Irresistible
By Angel
It’s time for the truth now. Luke’s been gone long enough that nothing a drunken old coot like me can say will tarnish his Jedi legend. Leia’s gone too, these ten years, so I don’t have to break her heart with this either. Jacen? Well, Jace is grown and married with kids of his own. He’ll be mad, sure, but no damage there. He’s been pissed at me for thirty years over this story. Ever since... No, better to tell it from the start. Some secrets are just too heavy to carry forever.
“I’m gettin’ too old for this!” I insisted as Eminb dropped away. For fifteen years we’d been hunting imperials, stabilizing Leia’s Republic and generally cleaning up Palpatine’s great flamin’ mess.
Corellians are long-lived, but I was feeling every one of my fifty-one years that day. All I wanted to do, after having slogged through jungle and under mountain to pull my Jedi bond-brother’s afterburners out of the fireball yet again, was go home to the wife and kids and collapse.
I made the jump and set the autopilot. Kaf and kippa stew were calling me from the forward lounge.
I found Luke meditating, his injuries untreated, blood and dirt not even washed off his face. Poor kid, he’d had a rough time down on Eminb. A Force cult had set him up as a priest. What they didn’t tell him was that his main religious duty was going to be laying still while they cut him to ribbons with a stone knife. But even beyond that, something really bad had happened in the sacrifice place. Something he wouldn’t talk about.
The smell of food brought him up. He blinked, so slowly, and stood up. When he brushed the hair out of his eyes, his fingers found the cut.
“Han?” he said staring at the blood, “I’m hungry.”
“I’ll bet. Not like you’ve had anything but a nutribar in the last three days. You have time for a quick shower before this is ready. Go get the blood off.”
“Yes. Blood.” Stars, I didn’t like the blurry look in his eyes or the faint, detached voice, like words weren’t meaning what he thought they should. It had to be the ritual smoke. It had been pretty thick in the Sacrifice Cave, and Luke had breathed an awful lot before I got to him. Stuff had made me light headed, even the little I’d gotten.
The sluggish way he moved, so different than his normal controlled speed, didn’t help my worry. But he got himself clean, and ate all right. Not much had ever daunted his appetite.
I made him sit and let me go over him with a medkit. He was almost as good a patient as Jacen. Jaina, like her mother, would have squirmed and insisted it was nothing. I irrigated and synthefleshed him back into some semblance of human, and gave him some painkiller. He hadn’t complained, but he was a mess. Lots of gashes, and he’d actually lost a strip of skin three fingers wide off his left arm. He wanted to meditate, so I went to bed. I ached from all the excitement, and wished for the big spa bath back home, nice and hot, with strong massage jets and a gorgeous wife. Getting old, Solo, and going real soft.
I woke up a couple hours later when Luke joined me.
Yeah, sure, we’d slept close before. An Alliance emergency shelter ain’t exactly roomy. But this was all wrong. There was the guest cabin, with all his stuff, and Chewie’s cabin, but he’d come to mine.
And there, in the dark, he kissed me.
It was a serious kiss, not the light, customary thing he’d pressed to my cheek at the wedding, or the affectionate pecks he gave the kids. I’m no poet, but he tasted like darkness and danger and betrayal and pain all wrapped up in the ghost-taste of the damned smoke.
“Help me,” he whispered. “The Dark. It wants me. It’s dragging me back.”
I never could refuse a distress call from him. Not from the day we met. Just like when Jaina had been scared of womprats in her closet, I took him in my arms. I held him, let him hear my heartbeat, stroked his hair and whispered soothing nonsense until he fell asleep.
I forgot that I was dealing with a grown man: a man with a man’s desires and not a scared infant.
I woke up in the middle of the sleep cycle with his mouth on mine again, and his hands all over me. Letting Luke kiss me was the first mistake. Kissing him back was the biggest. From there on, there was no going back.
I loved Leia. I swear I did. I loved them both, and I want to make that clear here. I loved them for being the same, and loved them for all the differences, Leia’s fire and Luke’s calm. And I wish I had never let the rest happen.
I knew I shouldn’t touch him like I did, that I wasn’t on Corellia where bonding a set of twins was considered commonplace. But Leia wasn’t there, and in the dark, and my half-asleep state, he tasted like her. So alike, and different. Solid where she was soft, flat where she curved, but in the dark, that taste washed it all away.
I hadn’t had a man in many years, not since before that mess with Jabba, and I’d forgotten a lot. Luke brought it all back. Completely irresistible. Not that I resisted enough.
The first night, we touched. He was warm and hard in my hand, arching into the strokes and moaning my name. I’d give a lot to not know what that sounded like. And even more to hear him do it one more time.
By the time we reached Coruscant, we’d had each other every way two men could. We landed late and hoarded the rest of the night for ourselves, until dawn brought Chewie and our responsibilities.
Luke stole one last kiss and melted into the crowd. Chewbacca, there was no fooling him. He knew what we’d done. He sniffed once, and then spent the rest of the trip home lecturing me about not being on Corellia and about the monogamy of Alderaanian marriages. He swore he wouldn’t say anything and I promised to keep my hands off Luke. Never said anything about him keeping his hands and the Force offa me.
Leia was pleased to see me. So were the kids. I settled into family life for a couple years. Even with the twins in the throes of adolescence, we were happy.
I spent a lot of time with Jaina, who’d just gotten her pilot’s license with both passenger and cargo endorsements. I taught her everything about the Falcon: how to fix her, how to fly her, how to take care of her. The crate is Jaina’s now and still flying high. She takes good care of my lady now that I can’t see to fly anymore.
Anakin was menacing life and limb with his first lightsaber. Not on purpose. Thirteen year old boys are all elbows, knees and too-large feet. Even Jedi boys, trained for grace and control. At least he got his mother’s ears, even if the rest of his build was mine.
Jacen spent most of his time at the Jedi academy, studying. His course load was rigorous, and he seemed to be detatching from the mundane world of nonForce sensitive. Jace always looked like me, but his mind and spirit were purely Luke’s That worried me, and I couldn’t pin down why.
Then I overheard it. A conversation between the twins, one I wasn’t supposed to know about. Jaina was arguing about Jedi obligations, while Jace was maintaining that the Force-blind were obsolete and didn’t know it.
Made my blood run cold. Luke had never taught him that. I listened and heard him sneer about his sister and his uncle’s idealism. I knew I had to change this. He was only seventeen, there was still hope he wouldn’t fall as his grandfather had, wouldn’t walk into the darkness as Luke had once.
I did the only thing I could think of. I commed Luke. We talked, and he agreed to come see Jace and talk to us both.
He did, and we talked. Jacen maintained his position. I knew better than to push too hard. If it was just teen rebellion and not actual Jedi-bigotry, pushing could entrench it deeper. But it took a lot for me to keep my temper when he looked at me and sneered about “my kind.”
Luke said the one most withering thing I’ve ever heard from him. “Your grandfather thought much the same. Look where it took him.”
“What? To the heights of power? Oh, right. Mom rules the galaxy now, and you have her ear. Not much difference. Maybe you’re afraid I’ll boot you out!” With that, he stomped out.
Luke and I sat there and stared at each other. There didn’t seem like much to be said. Luke surprised me when he kissed me again.
“Hey, no, I can’t do that.” I backed off, but part of me remembered the trip back and didn’t want to move. And that part of my mind seemed to be getting bigger, crowding out the rational part.
Luke’s voice was soft, silky in a way I’d never heard it. “Come to bed. Just once. A proper good-bye.”
If I didn’t know better, I’d say he used the Force. But he always said that direct control only worked on the weak-minded. I knew I wasn’t that, but what about indirect control? Stroking the parts of my mind that wanted him, releasing the extra hormones and adrenaline that would turn me on, I think he did all that. But I wanted him, so it’s my fault too.
I took him to bed.
It was as wonderful as I remembered. He was passionate and careful, delighting in my body. All the things Leia didn’t do any more. We’d let our passion cool, her and me, but that’s no excuse. When he left the next morning, I knew I didn’t want it to end.
Jace drifted even farther in the next year, and Luke frequented our place, keeping a close eye on his wayward student. Leia was gone a lot. Luke was in my bed as often as not.
The guilt came, as expected. I knew I was betraying my wife’s principles. I tried telling myself they weren’t mine, but I knew she trusted me to follow them. And Luke was darkening, as if keeping our secret was driving him to other secrets too.
And it all came out one horrible afternoon. I was lazing around, pretending to sleep. I was screwed silly, with every bone in my body pretty much melted to pudding. Just the smell and taste of Luke could make me crazy, make me want him. He was pacing, stark naked, and so sexy. I watched him under my eyelashes and tried to keep my breathing steady. If I coulda talked my body into it, I’d have stalked him, pounced and had him on the floor.
He turned and looked at me with an expression I’d never seen on his face. It took a second to recognize it: contempt. I’d seen it a lot on Jacen’s face lately, but it was a shock coming from Luke.
“I didn’t think it’d be so easy. Too easy to control you, make you want me. Now, I don’t know how to stop this. I look at myself and see only grey. I have to get back to the light, get out of the darkness, quit using you.”
He sat down on the side of the bed. “I love my sister, and hate her for having you. I want you, and despise you for succumbing to the Force I used on you. I hate myself for doing it. What a mess we are.”
My body was awake again, despite my exhaustion, and he caught hold of me. Ordinarily I’m good for two, maybe three times in a day. But this would make the fourth this afternoon. Luke was doing something to me. Pheremones maybe. When we were in public, nothing. We were friends, bond-brothers. In private, I couldn’t keep my hands off of him.
He licked me, bringing me the rest of the way erect, and then curled in and pressed back against me. I steadied my cock with one hand, and he turned to glare at me. I could almost hear him thinking about how easy I was, and what a slut I was to betray my wife so easily, not even awake.
He hissed as I pressed against the opening, like it hurt, but shoved back, hard. A moan, half pain, half satisfaction came when I was buried inside him. And oh he was good, tight and hot like always, and moving like a wild thing. He slammed down against me, spearing himself, wanting more. He twisted and bucked. I was just trying to hang on, not come until he was finished, and then I heard what he was saying.
“More. More! Hurts. More. Make me feel.” The gasps were soft, and buried in the pillow, but his hips were pistoning, impaling himself over and over. I felt used, like a tool, but that didn’t stop me, not even that.
I wrapped a hand around his cock, which was hard and ready, but he pulled it away with the right hand, and made me clamp down on his hip, pressing my fingers so hard they were bruising his skin.
“Harder!” he demanded. I clutched his hip and obliged. If this was what he needed, if this would help him, this was what I could do. His eyes were so blue, burning with need and intensity. I had to kiss him, cheek, jaw, neck, all the parts I could reach.
A soft noise at the door caught my attention. I cursed vividly, knowing I should have locked it. Only Jace was home and he usually avoided me, not wanting (he said) to be reminded of the Force-blind side of his heritage.
Now he stood in the door, staring, his mouth gaping. “Dad?” He stared, more. I wilted, and reached, too late, for the sheet. “Uncle Luke?”
Luke came alert, and I didn’t like the look on his face.
“Jacen.” He beckoned my son, my son, into the room.
“Uncle Luke? How could you! You said--”
I watched in shock as my bond-brother, my friend, my lover placed his fingers on my son’s mouth, silencing him, then drew him down for a kiss. Jacen returned it, obviously not afraid, or even surprised.
“How long?” I had to ask, had to know.
Jacen looked up at me, all the old contempt back on his face. “I seduced him about a year ago. Apparently, Solo men are his weakness. He finds us irresistible. Although I can’t see why he wants you.” He turned back to Luke, pained and confused. “I didn’t know you took it, too. I could have fucked you. You shouldn’t have to come to a No-Forcer for it.”
“Jacen, your bigotry serves you badly.” The voice might have been Luke’s, but the words and cadence were Vader’s. I wondered if he always sounded like that when teaching. “I love you both, and you each serve different purposes for me. My beautiful boy. You look so much like your father that I could not resist when you came to me.”
“You only want me because of him?” Jace was shocked to the core.
“I want you both.”
I never thought I’d see something like that: My bond-brother kissing my son, peeling off clothes with the Force, his hands all over my boy. Somewhere in that moment, I realized Jacen was a man. Not my boy, not a child, not even the adolescent I’d been thinking of him as. It didn’t make me any more comfortable or any less angry.
I felt stupidly jealous as I pulled Luke away from him. Luke, patient and blank, rolled me onto my back and stared down into my eyes. I loved him. I trusted him. Right that second, I was scared to death of him.
“Han, have you ever stared out at the salt flats on Tatooine? The glare will drive you blind quicker than staring at the suns. Too much light of any kind is as bad as too much darkness. That’s what I learned on Eminb. What I was shown in Place of Sacrifice. For the galaxy to continue, there had to be both light and dark. That my sacrifice would be my most talented pupil.”
“Jacen. You’ve turned my boy to the dark side of your damnable Force.” I was so angry I couldn’t see straight. If I could have moved, I’d have probably beaten Luke to a pulp. All his warnings, all his fears, and he made my son into something like his father!
“There must be Sith for the Jedi to have purpose. No Sith leads to stagnation for the Jedi. This is the lesson of the Clone Wars. No Jedi leads to rampant destruction by the Sith. This is the lesson of the Empire. Balance, Han, everything in balance.”
Somehow, I believed it. That, I know, had to be both of them using the Force on me. Stars, was I sick of being the pawn of politicians and the plaything of Force-users! “So Jace is going to take over where his granddad left off, is that it?” I spat.
“Not exactly, father.” Great, he finally decided to acknowledge me. Then, when his hand had found its way along my side, and was touching me in a way a son has no business touching his father. “I will teach the left-hand path of the Force. The light side is about knowledge and defense. The dark side is about power and using it. Future generations will be trained in both, and carry the balance within them.”
Jacen turned to Luke, and I watched them communicate in the way that Luke and Leia did. Jacen scowled, and quit touching me, only to stroke my hair. He tried again, concentrating hard. I wanted desperately to know what was happening, because I had a real bad feeling about this.
Luke moved aside, his face cool and unreadable. I still couldn’t move. When my son, my own son, kissed me, I couldn’t stop him, couldn’t do anything but open my mouth, directed by the will of two force-users. No man should know what his son’s kiss tastes like. To this day, I wish I didn’t have that memory.
“I want him.”
“No,” Luke said. No hesitation, no emotion in his voice. “Not yet.”
“Yet? What do you mean not yet!” I struggled, but the Force held me fast. “That’s my son!”
They ignored me. “You want him for the wrong reasons,” Luke continued, as if he hadn’t heard, as if I didn’t matter. “When you want him from desire, not curiosity or juvenile superiority, then you will be ready. Then it will advance your training.” The right hand stroked my body, running over my chest like I liked him to do.
I was seeing a whole new side to Luke: his father’s son, the one who never quite walked out of the darkness after the nightmare with Palpatine’s clones. It scared the hell out of me. And now he was taking my son into that darkness so that he could finish getting out of it.
Over my dead body. And when I decided that, I knew it just might be.
“When you want him badly enough to take him from me, and are powerful enough to do so, then you may have him.” Luke kissed Jace again, not nearly as gently this time, but his hand never left me.
Jacen made a gesture I’d only seen Luke do a couple times, and the kiss broke apart as Luke choked for air, clawing at his throat. He managed a breath and spread his fingers in a familiar way. Blue lightening wrapped itself around my boy, dropping him to the floor, writhing and screaming.
Luke was more in control now, but neither of them was concentrating on me. I found I could move, but not very fast. The meter to my gunbelt was the longest of my life. I fumbled, my hands clumsy and slow, and set it to heavy stun.
My son--not the arrogant Force-user, not the sneering brat, just my boy who’d wanted to be just like me--screamed in a way that made me go cold. I knew I’d only get one shot, so I took careful aim.
I closed my eyes as I fired. I shot my brother, my lover, the man whose life I’d saved more times than I could count. When I opened them, Luke was sprawled over Jace, and both were unconscious. I called for Chewie and a med droid.
I didn’t see Luke much after that, and never alone. He didn’t really recover, and I thought it might be the Force and the stun combination. He died the next year from a virus he should have been able to kick off really easy.
Jacen did walk out of the Darkness. He took over the Academy and taught that there was no Light without Dark, no Dark without Light, and intent was everything. Sith became obsolete. There are still Jedi who choose the darker paths but they remain Jedi. We never spoke of that day, and eventually quit talking at all. Just on family occasions, which Leia and Jaina organized.
If I had it to do all over again, I’d have bonded both Luke and Leia. Maybe that would have been enough to avoid the whole mess. I used to laugh at Luke for wanting to save the whole galaxy. All I ever wanted to save was him.
***
The old man fumbled for the switch and turned off the recorder. His sightless gaze never wavered from the wall in front of him as he found his whiskey glass and filled it again from the nearly empty bottle.
“Whatdya think, Chewie? Why do I need to dredge up all of this? I loved them all, you know. Takh Anid Gral, I swear I did.”
The great wookiee, his coat just starting to silver, came and wrapped his old friend in a furry hug. *Sometimes, Little One, it is necessary merely to talk.*
Warnings: adultry, attempted incest, probably underaged (17), death and darkness.
thamiris declared it Threeway Weekend.And I have a zine that just happened to have timed out.
So, without further ado, here is "Simply Irresistible" originally published in Con*Stricted by Plot 3. Star wars, as ususal. Luke/Han mostly. Definitely explicit. Warnings available.
Simply Irresistible
By Angel
It’s time for the truth now. Luke’s been gone long enough that nothing a drunken old coot like me can say will tarnish his Jedi legend. Leia’s gone too, these ten years, so I don’t have to break her heart with this either. Jacen? Well, Jace is grown and married with kids of his own. He’ll be mad, sure, but no damage there. He’s been pissed at me for thirty years over this story. Ever since... No, better to tell it from the start. Some secrets are just too heavy to carry forever.
“I’m gettin’ too old for this!” I insisted as Eminb dropped away. For fifteen years we’d been hunting imperials, stabilizing Leia’s Republic and generally cleaning up Palpatine’s great flamin’ mess.
Corellians are long-lived, but I was feeling every one of my fifty-one years that day. All I wanted to do, after having slogged through jungle and under mountain to pull my Jedi bond-brother’s afterburners out of the fireball yet again, was go home to the wife and kids and collapse.
I made the jump and set the autopilot. Kaf and kippa stew were calling me from the forward lounge.
I found Luke meditating, his injuries untreated, blood and dirt not even washed off his face. Poor kid, he’d had a rough time down on Eminb. A Force cult had set him up as a priest. What they didn’t tell him was that his main religious duty was going to be laying still while they cut him to ribbons with a stone knife. But even beyond that, something really bad had happened in the sacrifice place. Something he wouldn’t talk about.
The smell of food brought him up. He blinked, so slowly, and stood up. When he brushed the hair out of his eyes, his fingers found the cut.
“Han?” he said staring at the blood, “I’m hungry.”
“I’ll bet. Not like you’ve had anything but a nutribar in the last three days. You have time for a quick shower before this is ready. Go get the blood off.”
“Yes. Blood.” Stars, I didn’t like the blurry look in his eyes or the faint, detached voice, like words weren’t meaning what he thought they should. It had to be the ritual smoke. It had been pretty thick in the Sacrifice Cave, and Luke had breathed an awful lot before I got to him. Stuff had made me light headed, even the little I’d gotten.
The sluggish way he moved, so different than his normal controlled speed, didn’t help my worry. But he got himself clean, and ate all right. Not much had ever daunted his appetite.
I made him sit and let me go over him with a medkit. He was almost as good a patient as Jacen. Jaina, like her mother, would have squirmed and insisted it was nothing. I irrigated and synthefleshed him back into some semblance of human, and gave him some painkiller. He hadn’t complained, but he was a mess. Lots of gashes, and he’d actually lost a strip of skin three fingers wide off his left arm. He wanted to meditate, so I went to bed. I ached from all the excitement, and wished for the big spa bath back home, nice and hot, with strong massage jets and a gorgeous wife. Getting old, Solo, and going real soft.
I woke up a couple hours later when Luke joined me.
Yeah, sure, we’d slept close before. An Alliance emergency shelter ain’t exactly roomy. But this was all wrong. There was the guest cabin, with all his stuff, and Chewie’s cabin, but he’d come to mine.
And there, in the dark, he kissed me.
It was a serious kiss, not the light, customary thing he’d pressed to my cheek at the wedding, or the affectionate pecks he gave the kids. I’m no poet, but he tasted like darkness and danger and betrayal and pain all wrapped up in the ghost-taste of the damned smoke.
“Help me,” he whispered. “The Dark. It wants me. It’s dragging me back.”
I never could refuse a distress call from him. Not from the day we met. Just like when Jaina had been scared of womprats in her closet, I took him in my arms. I held him, let him hear my heartbeat, stroked his hair and whispered soothing nonsense until he fell asleep.
I forgot that I was dealing with a grown man: a man with a man’s desires and not a scared infant.
I woke up in the middle of the sleep cycle with his mouth on mine again, and his hands all over me. Letting Luke kiss me was the first mistake. Kissing him back was the biggest. From there on, there was no going back.
I loved Leia. I swear I did. I loved them both, and I want to make that clear here. I loved them for being the same, and loved them for all the differences, Leia’s fire and Luke’s calm. And I wish I had never let the rest happen.
I knew I shouldn’t touch him like I did, that I wasn’t on Corellia where bonding a set of twins was considered commonplace. But Leia wasn’t there, and in the dark, and my half-asleep state, he tasted like her. So alike, and different. Solid where she was soft, flat where she curved, but in the dark, that taste washed it all away.
I hadn’t had a man in many years, not since before that mess with Jabba, and I’d forgotten a lot. Luke brought it all back. Completely irresistible. Not that I resisted enough.
The first night, we touched. He was warm and hard in my hand, arching into the strokes and moaning my name. I’d give a lot to not know what that sounded like. And even more to hear him do it one more time.
By the time we reached Coruscant, we’d had each other every way two men could. We landed late and hoarded the rest of the night for ourselves, until dawn brought Chewie and our responsibilities.
Luke stole one last kiss and melted into the crowd. Chewbacca, there was no fooling him. He knew what we’d done. He sniffed once, and then spent the rest of the trip home lecturing me about not being on Corellia and about the monogamy of Alderaanian marriages. He swore he wouldn’t say anything and I promised to keep my hands off Luke. Never said anything about him keeping his hands and the Force offa me.
Leia was pleased to see me. So were the kids. I settled into family life for a couple years. Even with the twins in the throes of adolescence, we were happy.
I spent a lot of time with Jaina, who’d just gotten her pilot’s license with both passenger and cargo endorsements. I taught her everything about the Falcon: how to fix her, how to fly her, how to take care of her. The crate is Jaina’s now and still flying high. She takes good care of my lady now that I can’t see to fly anymore.
Anakin was menacing life and limb with his first lightsaber. Not on purpose. Thirteen year old boys are all elbows, knees and too-large feet. Even Jedi boys, trained for grace and control. At least he got his mother’s ears, even if the rest of his build was mine.
Jacen spent most of his time at the Jedi academy, studying. His course load was rigorous, and he seemed to be detatching from the mundane world of nonForce sensitive. Jace always looked like me, but his mind and spirit were purely Luke’s That worried me, and I couldn’t pin down why.
Then I overheard it. A conversation between the twins, one I wasn’t supposed to know about. Jaina was arguing about Jedi obligations, while Jace was maintaining that the Force-blind were obsolete and didn’t know it.
Made my blood run cold. Luke had never taught him that. I listened and heard him sneer about his sister and his uncle’s idealism. I knew I had to change this. He was only seventeen, there was still hope he wouldn’t fall as his grandfather had, wouldn’t walk into the darkness as Luke had once.
I did the only thing I could think of. I commed Luke. We talked, and he agreed to come see Jace and talk to us both.
He did, and we talked. Jacen maintained his position. I knew better than to push too hard. If it was just teen rebellion and not actual Jedi-bigotry, pushing could entrench it deeper. But it took a lot for me to keep my temper when he looked at me and sneered about “my kind.”
Luke said the one most withering thing I’ve ever heard from him. “Your grandfather thought much the same. Look where it took him.”
“What? To the heights of power? Oh, right. Mom rules the galaxy now, and you have her ear. Not much difference. Maybe you’re afraid I’ll boot you out!” With that, he stomped out.
Luke and I sat there and stared at each other. There didn’t seem like much to be said. Luke surprised me when he kissed me again.
“Hey, no, I can’t do that.” I backed off, but part of me remembered the trip back and didn’t want to move. And that part of my mind seemed to be getting bigger, crowding out the rational part.
Luke’s voice was soft, silky in a way I’d never heard it. “Come to bed. Just once. A proper good-bye.”
If I didn’t know better, I’d say he used the Force. But he always said that direct control only worked on the weak-minded. I knew I wasn’t that, but what about indirect control? Stroking the parts of my mind that wanted him, releasing the extra hormones and adrenaline that would turn me on, I think he did all that. But I wanted him, so it’s my fault too.
I took him to bed.
It was as wonderful as I remembered. He was passionate and careful, delighting in my body. All the things Leia didn’t do any more. We’d let our passion cool, her and me, but that’s no excuse. When he left the next morning, I knew I didn’t want it to end.
Jace drifted even farther in the next year, and Luke frequented our place, keeping a close eye on his wayward student. Leia was gone a lot. Luke was in my bed as often as not.
The guilt came, as expected. I knew I was betraying my wife’s principles. I tried telling myself they weren’t mine, but I knew she trusted me to follow them. And Luke was darkening, as if keeping our secret was driving him to other secrets too.
And it all came out one horrible afternoon. I was lazing around, pretending to sleep. I was screwed silly, with every bone in my body pretty much melted to pudding. Just the smell and taste of Luke could make me crazy, make me want him. He was pacing, stark naked, and so sexy. I watched him under my eyelashes and tried to keep my breathing steady. If I coulda talked my body into it, I’d have stalked him, pounced and had him on the floor.
He turned and looked at me with an expression I’d never seen on his face. It took a second to recognize it: contempt. I’d seen it a lot on Jacen’s face lately, but it was a shock coming from Luke.
“I didn’t think it’d be so easy. Too easy to control you, make you want me. Now, I don’t know how to stop this. I look at myself and see only grey. I have to get back to the light, get out of the darkness, quit using you.”
He sat down on the side of the bed. “I love my sister, and hate her for having you. I want you, and despise you for succumbing to the Force I used on you. I hate myself for doing it. What a mess we are.”
My body was awake again, despite my exhaustion, and he caught hold of me. Ordinarily I’m good for two, maybe three times in a day. But this would make the fourth this afternoon. Luke was doing something to me. Pheremones maybe. When we were in public, nothing. We were friends, bond-brothers. In private, I couldn’t keep my hands off of him.
He licked me, bringing me the rest of the way erect, and then curled in and pressed back against me. I steadied my cock with one hand, and he turned to glare at me. I could almost hear him thinking about how easy I was, and what a slut I was to betray my wife so easily, not even awake.
He hissed as I pressed against the opening, like it hurt, but shoved back, hard. A moan, half pain, half satisfaction came when I was buried inside him. And oh he was good, tight and hot like always, and moving like a wild thing. He slammed down against me, spearing himself, wanting more. He twisted and bucked. I was just trying to hang on, not come until he was finished, and then I heard what he was saying.
“More. More! Hurts. More. Make me feel.” The gasps were soft, and buried in the pillow, but his hips were pistoning, impaling himself over and over. I felt used, like a tool, but that didn’t stop me, not even that.
I wrapped a hand around his cock, which was hard and ready, but he pulled it away with the right hand, and made me clamp down on his hip, pressing my fingers so hard they were bruising his skin.
“Harder!” he demanded. I clutched his hip and obliged. If this was what he needed, if this would help him, this was what I could do. His eyes were so blue, burning with need and intensity. I had to kiss him, cheek, jaw, neck, all the parts I could reach.
A soft noise at the door caught my attention. I cursed vividly, knowing I should have locked it. Only Jace was home and he usually avoided me, not wanting (he said) to be reminded of the Force-blind side of his heritage.
Now he stood in the door, staring, his mouth gaping. “Dad?” He stared, more. I wilted, and reached, too late, for the sheet. “Uncle Luke?”
Luke came alert, and I didn’t like the look on his face.
“Jacen.” He beckoned my son, my son, into the room.
“Uncle Luke? How could you! You said--”
I watched in shock as my bond-brother, my friend, my lover placed his fingers on my son’s mouth, silencing him, then drew him down for a kiss. Jacen returned it, obviously not afraid, or even surprised.
“How long?” I had to ask, had to know.
Jacen looked up at me, all the old contempt back on his face. “I seduced him about a year ago. Apparently, Solo men are his weakness. He finds us irresistible. Although I can’t see why he wants you.” He turned back to Luke, pained and confused. “I didn’t know you took it, too. I could have fucked you. You shouldn’t have to come to a No-Forcer for it.”
“Jacen, your bigotry serves you badly.” The voice might have been Luke’s, but the words and cadence were Vader’s. I wondered if he always sounded like that when teaching. “I love you both, and you each serve different purposes for me. My beautiful boy. You look so much like your father that I could not resist when you came to me.”
“You only want me because of him?” Jace was shocked to the core.
“I want you both.”
I never thought I’d see something like that: My bond-brother kissing my son, peeling off clothes with the Force, his hands all over my boy. Somewhere in that moment, I realized Jacen was a man. Not my boy, not a child, not even the adolescent I’d been thinking of him as. It didn’t make me any more comfortable or any less angry.
I felt stupidly jealous as I pulled Luke away from him. Luke, patient and blank, rolled me onto my back and stared down into my eyes. I loved him. I trusted him. Right that second, I was scared to death of him.
“Han, have you ever stared out at the salt flats on Tatooine? The glare will drive you blind quicker than staring at the suns. Too much light of any kind is as bad as too much darkness. That’s what I learned on Eminb. What I was shown in Place of Sacrifice. For the galaxy to continue, there had to be both light and dark. That my sacrifice would be my most talented pupil.”
“Jacen. You’ve turned my boy to the dark side of your damnable Force.” I was so angry I couldn’t see straight. If I could have moved, I’d have probably beaten Luke to a pulp. All his warnings, all his fears, and he made my son into something like his father!
“There must be Sith for the Jedi to have purpose. No Sith leads to stagnation for the Jedi. This is the lesson of the Clone Wars. No Jedi leads to rampant destruction by the Sith. This is the lesson of the Empire. Balance, Han, everything in balance.”
Somehow, I believed it. That, I know, had to be both of them using the Force on me. Stars, was I sick of being the pawn of politicians and the plaything of Force-users! “So Jace is going to take over where his granddad left off, is that it?” I spat.
“Not exactly, father.” Great, he finally decided to acknowledge me. Then, when his hand had found its way along my side, and was touching me in a way a son has no business touching his father. “I will teach the left-hand path of the Force. The light side is about knowledge and defense. The dark side is about power and using it. Future generations will be trained in both, and carry the balance within them.”
Jacen turned to Luke, and I watched them communicate in the way that Luke and Leia did. Jacen scowled, and quit touching me, only to stroke my hair. He tried again, concentrating hard. I wanted desperately to know what was happening, because I had a real bad feeling about this.
Luke moved aside, his face cool and unreadable. I still couldn’t move. When my son, my own son, kissed me, I couldn’t stop him, couldn’t do anything but open my mouth, directed by the will of two force-users. No man should know what his son’s kiss tastes like. To this day, I wish I didn’t have that memory.
“I want him.”
“No,” Luke said. No hesitation, no emotion in his voice. “Not yet.”
“Yet? What do you mean not yet!” I struggled, but the Force held me fast. “That’s my son!”
They ignored me. “You want him for the wrong reasons,” Luke continued, as if he hadn’t heard, as if I didn’t matter. “When you want him from desire, not curiosity or juvenile superiority, then you will be ready. Then it will advance your training.” The right hand stroked my body, running over my chest like I liked him to do.
I was seeing a whole new side to Luke: his father’s son, the one who never quite walked out of the darkness after the nightmare with Palpatine’s clones. It scared the hell out of me. And now he was taking my son into that darkness so that he could finish getting out of it.
Over my dead body. And when I decided that, I knew it just might be.
“When you want him badly enough to take him from me, and are powerful enough to do so, then you may have him.” Luke kissed Jace again, not nearly as gently this time, but his hand never left me.
Jacen made a gesture I’d only seen Luke do a couple times, and the kiss broke apart as Luke choked for air, clawing at his throat. He managed a breath and spread his fingers in a familiar way. Blue lightening wrapped itself around my boy, dropping him to the floor, writhing and screaming.
Luke was more in control now, but neither of them was concentrating on me. I found I could move, but not very fast. The meter to my gunbelt was the longest of my life. I fumbled, my hands clumsy and slow, and set it to heavy stun.
My son--not the arrogant Force-user, not the sneering brat, just my boy who’d wanted to be just like me--screamed in a way that made me go cold. I knew I’d only get one shot, so I took careful aim.
I closed my eyes as I fired. I shot my brother, my lover, the man whose life I’d saved more times than I could count. When I opened them, Luke was sprawled over Jace, and both were unconscious. I called for Chewie and a med droid.
I didn’t see Luke much after that, and never alone. He didn’t really recover, and I thought it might be the Force and the stun combination. He died the next year from a virus he should have been able to kick off really easy.
Jacen did walk out of the Darkness. He took over the Academy and taught that there was no Light without Dark, no Dark without Light, and intent was everything. Sith became obsolete. There are still Jedi who choose the darker paths but they remain Jedi. We never spoke of that day, and eventually quit talking at all. Just on family occasions, which Leia and Jaina organized.
If I had it to do all over again, I’d have bonded both Luke and Leia. Maybe that would have been enough to avoid the whole mess. I used to laugh at Luke for wanting to save the whole galaxy. All I ever wanted to save was him.
***
The old man fumbled for the switch and turned off the recorder. His sightless gaze never wavered from the wall in front of him as he found his whiskey glass and filled it again from the nearly empty bottle.
“Whatdya think, Chewie? Why do I need to dredge up all of this? I loved them all, you know. Takh Anid Gral, I swear I did.”
The great wookiee, his coat just starting to silver, came and wrapped his old friend in a furry hug. *Sometimes, Little One, it is necessary merely to talk.*
Warnings: adultry, attempted incest, probably underaged (17), death and darkness.
