Three questions, a bit on the squicky side

1) Is this passage offensive and triggering? Does it hit body issues and necessitate hurling the book across the
room?

"She looked better than any woman he'd seen or imagined in ages. Certainly more attractive than Melanie's slightly pouchy pale belly, with the scars on it, or Ardis' large but sagging breasts. Better even than he'd imagined Annie looking."


2) Does this put our hero out of "honorable rake, even if he patronizes whores" and into "really gross rapist" category? (he's a former soldier, after all)

"Matt felt his cock wake up. It had been a while since he'd had a woman, and Paz gleamed in the twilight not ten yards from him.

Had he been a younger man, he'd have taken what he wanted. But age had sobered him, and watching Paz had taught him such an act would be worth his life. He ran one hand over the bulge in his pants."


3) Does anyone have a strong enough stomach to beta Alive on the Inside? This one needs a harder hand than anything else we've done. Naomi and I are considering approaching a paper-based publisher.

Follow up.

Our hero is having a David-and-Bathsheba moment.

1) The judgmental comparisons.
Altered, and complete, but NWS. Am I drowning in simile here?
( Read more... )

2) We removed the problematic part entirely.
We considered and alteration to this:
"Had he been a younger and different man, he'd have simply taken what he wanted, as he had seen so many do. But he'd always found charm worked better and he'd never considered resorting to force. Now age had sobered him, and watching Paz told him such an act would be worth his life."
but it still leaves me uneasy, because it's very narrator intrusive, and breaks the fairly tight POV.