I don't know how to feel

I like my job for the first time in ages. i have real work and stay busy most of the day. I feel a bit overwhelmed and behind, but that's all right. i know there will be work for me to do tomorrow. Ironic that it should come when I'm on the cusp of losing it.

Sometimes I'm just bursting with energy and before i can decide what to do with it, i'm blue and bored.

One minute I'm psyching about Christmas and Spring and Media west and hubby's 20 year HS reunion. The next I'm half-wishing that the knocking in my van engine would just explode, taking me and the two littlest kids with it so that Hubby and the big kids can start a new life with adequate money. (please, note, I'm not actually suicidal, just half-wishful thinking)

I can work the whole day on a half-cup of oatmeal and not get hungry, then the second I catch a whiff of food, I'm binging.

I feel so very weird...

I want to sleep for hours, but when i go to bed, i toss and turn.


I can't concentrate to write. I have no motivation. Maybe I'm just dragged out from brutal workdays and all-night dress-rehersals. I spent my day off on Wed. shepherding bluebirds, mice and rabbits (and one adorable 5 year old sheep) into position for the play.

I did get to watch a whole performance. Bunny was so graceful, swaying in a breeze only she could feel as it blew through her limbs and leaves. Obi did great on his dance bit before Jadis.

We missed the Christmas parade tonight. Flippin' cold.

Maybe I should have a cookie and go to bed early.