I'm verbing my noun!

[valarltd]

This is all saraphina_marie's fault.

A while back, she posted "I'm mulching my maple, which totally sounds dirty but isn't."

So, here's the game.
Give me your best auto-erotic sexual euphemism, using the "I'm [verb]ing my [noun]" format, using ordinary tasks.

I'm mulching my maple
I'm frosting my cookies
I'm creaming my shortening
I'm vacuuming my corners
I'm watering my fig tree
I'm changing my oil

Your turn!
First prize for the rudest, for the sexiest and for the one that makes me fall out of my chair laughing, is an ebook of your choice.