Inappropriate crossover

[valarltd]

Hazzardous Landing
PG-13 for slashiness
None of them are mine.


It was a really good thing he had the truck. There was no way the unconscious blond guy would have fit into the General Lee’s backseat without some serious head-knocks. He covered up the crazy plane with the camo-tarp from the back of the truck and headed home with the stranger in the truckbed.

“Whatcha got, Luke?” Daisy was coming in from gathering eggs when he pulled into the farmyard.

“Stranger crashed his plane up near the still. Thought we’d better help him out.”

Luke came awake looking at a ceiling. A real ceiling, not a barrack or a cockpit canopy. He was in a bed, in a real room. An incandescent lamp sat on a nearby table, and the cover was hand-sewn. Primitive world, some tech, not a bad place to be stranded.

He checked himself. Nothing of his own, just a sleepshirt that came to his knees. One arm was bandaged up and his ribs were taped. He saw his flightsuit folded on a chair and everything atop it. He sat up.

The resultant groan woke the dark-haired man sitting in the chair on the other side of the bed.

“Hey, fella, lay still.”

“Wh-where?”

“You’re ok. Uncle Jesse patched you up. You crashed up on the ridge, so I brought you to our farm. I’m Luke. Luke Duke.”

“Luke,” repeated the man on the bed. “Luke Lars.” Skywalker was very uncommon and had too many bounties to risk telling his benefactors exactly whom they had rescued. He settled for the name he’d been raised with.

“Are you in the Air Force?”

“Not exactly.”

“Is someone coming for you?”

“I hope so. Let me see the white part of my suit.”

The Duke boy brought it over, and Luke looked over the controls. He checked them, thumped one, muttering about “cruddy alliance issue,” and then handed it back. “ Thank you/. Yes, someone should be here soon. He won’t forget me.”

“Who?”

“Han.” Luke’s voice was fading. “He always comes for me.”

“You get some rest, Luke, and Daisy will bring some dinner up.”

At the supper table, Luke looked worried. “Uncle Jesse, I reckon we got ourselves one of them neo-nazis I keep hearing about. His last name is Lars. He’s with an alliance and waiting for someone named Han.”

“Luke Duke, I raised you better than to go jumpin’ at shadows. We’ll wait and watch. Daisy, go take our guest some food.”

The next day, Luke was sitting up when a blond man brought his breakfast.

“Morning, Luke. You look a lot better this morning.”

He did. In fact, he looked amused. “How many live on this farm?” The man and woman had looked related, but this man looked far different.

“Me and Luke, our cousin Daisy and Uncle Jesse. You get to feeling better, Uncle Jesse’ll have you doing chores. He says you can get up and shower after breakfast. Then he wants to look at your arm there.”

Luke ate, and then followed his host to the bathroom. He couldn’t disguise the delight in his voice. “Water showers!”

“Yeah, what’d you expect? Sand? You clean up, and there’s some clothes on the pot.”

“Thanks.” The water was warm and delightful. It had been a long time since the Alliance had had a place where they could have water showers instead of sonic.

He was just toweling off when Daisy hissed through the door, “Stay put.”

“Uncle Jesse, I sure am sorry to have to come out here and bother y’all.” Enis was always apologetic, but the man and woman in black suits behind him were not.

“Special Agent Mulder, Special Agent Scully. We’re with the FBI, and would like permission to look over your property in regard to a UFO sighting.”

“UFO? Boy you been sniffin’ too much swamp gas.” Jesse looked Scully over. “They’re makin’ revenuers prettier these days. But,” the agents found themselves staring down the barrel of a shotgun, “you got til the count of ten to get offa my property. One. Two.”

“Uncle Jesse,” started Enis.
“Three. Four.”

Knowing better than to argue with a shotgun, the agents turned. “We’ll be back with a search warrant, Mr. Duke.”

“Eight. Nine. Ten.” Jesse fired the shot in the air, over the sedan. He set the shotgun in its usual place behind the door, and went to the bathroom. Luke was dressed and had watched the whole thing from below the window level. “Son, we took you in, and you’ve brought down the law on our necks. Time you came clean. You one of them neonazis, or what?”

“Come sit at the table,” Luke suggested.

“Naw, the kids don’t need to hear this. But I’m head of the family, and should know what kind of danger you’ve put us into.”

“I am not from your world. My ship, which your Luke called a plane, is an interplanetary fighter-craft with warp capacity. I’m fighting with an alliance of many worlds to overthrow an unjust emperor. My X-wing looks like it’s down for good, but my friend will be here soon, according to the sensors in my flight suit. Let your law people have my ship. It’s not important. But I have to leave, so stall them if you can.”

Jesse sat dumbfounded at the story. Luke saw a demonstration was in order. He activated his lightsaber one-handed. “Does your world have these?”

Jesse shook his head numbly. The story all made sense now.

Out near the door, the boys watched as Daisy gaped, then hastily whispered “He says he’s from outer space.” Bo looked confused, but Luke sort of nodded. It went with the weird plane.

This time, it was a black sedan instead of a grey one that pulled up. Two men, one black, one white, in black suits with white shirts and narrow ties walked out in perfect step.

“Are you the owner of this property,” asked the white one.

“No, that’s our Uncle Jesse. You more feds? The FBI’s already been and gone,” scowled Luke.

“Not exactly. We’re freelance UFO hunters and got word of a possible landing in this area.”

“Oh, you mean that flashy thing the other night?” Daisy stepped out, and put on her thickest peaches and cream accent. Yankees thought all southerners were ignorant hicks, and that was in her favor. Nobody could do dumb, Southern and adorable like she could, and she intended to use it. “It went right on over our ridge. I think it came down somewhere ‘round the old Tailor place over in Crawford County. That’s ‘bout forty miles on up the road.” She pointed in the direction Luke Lars’ ship had come down. For good measure, she batted her eyes.

The men in black got back into the sedan without even a thank-you and headed off. At the foot of the Dukes’ mountain they stopped, and Kay took a reading.

“Lying little peach-blossom. There’s a non-earther reading up on that mountain. They’re harboring an illegal alien.”

“So we go back and kick their cracker butts until they give?”

“No, we wait. The FBI is onto this too. About dark, we’ll try again.”

Luke did his best to help out around the farm, but there wasn’t much for a man with a broken arm to do. He settled for following Daisy with the egg basket, watching as she lifted each bird. There were about a dozen, which meant breakfast for tomorrow.

In the root cellar, Daisy couldn’t quite reach the peaches on the top shelf. Luke stretched and then turned to hand them to her. She’d been waiting for this, and took the basket from him before kissing him. He didn’t kiss back.

“Is there someone, up there?” she asked.

Luke smiled. “Yes.”

“You love her a lot.”

“Him. Yes, I do.”

“Oh! So it should have been Bo that caught you out like this.”

Luke shook his head. “Not my type.”

They laughed together and went inside.

After dinner, the flashing on the suit became far more rapid. Luke’s excitement grew, until he could barely contain himself, then got a grip. He went to the porch and sat quietly, trying to meditate.

The light took on a steady glow, and Daisy went to get Luke from the porch. Out in the yard, there was a steady roar that was getting louder.

Two sedans pulled up at the same time as the battered YT-1300 sat down on the hardpacked dirt. Luke picked up his flight suit and the gymbag with the rest of his gear that Luke had given him.

A tall, dark-haired man descended the ramp and stood looking around at the place he’d landed. Luke came out of the house followed by the Dukes. Both sets of federal agents got out of their cars: one set looking irritated, the other gaping in awe.

“Scully, are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

“Mulder, we are not seeing this.”

“This is Agent Kay of the MIB. You have landed in violation of codes Z73T86 and IM9873. Keep your hands away from your weapon and step away from that,” Kay’s disdain for the craft was clear, “ship. State your name, planet of origin and purpose.”

“Look, I’m just here to get my pal, we’ll be gone in five minutes.”

“State your name, and planet of origin,” shouted Jay.

“Han Solo, Corellia.” He turned to the house, “Kid, you coming? Last hop off this rock.”

“Thank you,” Luke shook hands with Jesse and the boys, and got a gentle hug from Daisy. “Thank you for everything. I wouldn’t have made it without your help.”

“Just trying to raise my boys to do the right thing,” Jesse said.

Luke flew to the bottom of the ramp and threw himself into Han’s arms, mindful of his own. “I knew it’d be you.”

“Always, kid, always.” Han bent in for a kiss, his proper reward, then turned Luke toward the ramp. “Let’s go home.”

The Millennium Falcon lifted off, smoothly and quietly, leaving four pleased Dukes, two ticked MIB and two puzzled FBI agents in her wake.

“We did not just see that Mulder.”

“Scully—“

“We did not just see that, Mulder.”

“But Scully—“

“Mulder, if the words ‘visitation rights’ come out of your mouth, I will leave you here to run moonshine with those hillbillies.”

“Not much chance she was his kid anyway from the looks of things,” said Mulder thoughtfully.

The world flashed red.

They found themselves in their car, at the foot of the Duke mountain.

“So, swampgas?” said Mulder.

“Swamp gas and superstition,” agreed Scully, as they headed back to DC.

“Just a pitstop, looked like, Tiger.”

“If you say so, chief,” commented Jay. It was a long drive back to New York, and he really, really hated Elvis.

“You boys did your Christian duty by that stranger. I’m proud of you,” said Jesse, as they went back into the house. “Did you move the still in case the FBI decides to take another look?”

“Yep. And Luke’s plane had some good stuff. The old General’s gonna beat them all when we’re finished.”

“Nice little planet, Luke. Trust you to get into trouble with Immigration.”

“Nice place. I wouldn’t want to live there. But not bad. The people were nice.” They headed for the back of the ship. “I want to see if those peach preserves taste as good off you as they do on toast.”

“What?” Han followed willingly. Any place that made Luke say something that intriguing couldn’t be all bad….