The stuff I need help on

[valarltd]

For those doing the Christian Picking on my vamps. The sections I need double-checked are posted at my writing livejournal.

Part one: http://angelnanowrimo.livejour​nal.com/243381.html
Part 2: http://angelnanowrimo.livejour​nal.com/243605.html
Part 3: http://angelnanowrimo.livejour​nal.com/243918.html
Part 4: http://angelnanowrimo.livejour​nal.com/244046.html

Not flocked, just leave comments at each point. Your reactions, whether I have the feel right.

Non-evangelicals welcome to comment as well, let me know if I seem to be parodying or getting too long winded here.