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valarltdI figured out what to do with "Long-Term."
You see, when all three beta readers say, "I'm not buying it," it's a pretty good indication you've got a dog on your hands. And when they all have the same problem, you know where to fix it.
So, I have to rearrange the grocery store bit. The clerk can still give him something of a hard time, nothing obvious. Just vanishing when he needs help or that sort of thing. Driving past him on the street a little too slowly, and maybe a little too often (could be his imagination). And he's still in charge of the group that jumps them.
I'm also thinking about having more of Ian's journal entries...
You see, when all three beta readers say, "I'm not buying it," it's a pretty good indication you've got a dog on your hands. And when they all have the same problem, you know where to fix it.
So, I have to rearrange the grocery store bit. The clerk can still give him something of a hard time, nothing obvious. Just vanishing when he needs help or that sort of thing. Driving past him on the street a little too slowly, and maybe a little too often (could be his imagination). And he's still in charge of the group that jumps them.
I'm also thinking about having more of Ian's journal entries...
