Odd question

[valarltd]

When does it become fangirl Japanese/Italian/French, etc?

I'm piddling with a story, and the main character is being taught Japanese by full immersion. So far I have used two basic phrases (thank you and hello) and the rest is just treated as translated.

I did the same when he was being taught Italian in the first book. (A greeting followed by "my name is").

Also, I have another character who, when he wishes to appear superior, speaks French, exclusively. I do not type out the French, I just use the like "In French, he said:" And the characters who don't understand it just stare at him.

Comments

[cyren-2132.livejournal.com]

Personally, I'm not a big fan of "In French, he said:" To me, that smacks of fangirl language use far more than the other stuff you mentioned.

I don't want to be one of those "You should write like this: Blah blah blah" people, but as a reader, I'd rather see the French and then pick up the gist through narrative of some sort.

[cyren-2132.livejournal.com]

Oh, and the Japanese by immersion conversations I think are fine to be in English after the pleasantries.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

The major problem with that is that I don't speak French beyond asking for the bathroom, a restaurant and navigating the metro.
Adlai, being well educated in 1803, does.

The section that's giving me trouble is this:

“You’re a colonial fool, Thomas, if you think I want anything to do with you,” Collins sneered. “Keep your dreams of a fleet and leave me out of them. I’ll go to Hell in my own way, not splitting the take 80-20 and letting you dictate to me.”

“Stubborn English bastard. Full share of all takes to every crewman on any ship.” He looked at Adlai. “Including the chained ones.”

In French, Adlai said, “I am not to be bought for any such price from Master Collins.”

Harrison understood and laughed. “Smart and spiteful. You’re lucky he doesn’t cut your throat in your sleep, since you are bunking with him.” It was not a question.

[skogkatt.livejournal.com]

That seems fine to me. Writing it out in French would lose most of your readers, I think.

[kc-anathema.livejournal.com]

When does it become fangirl Japanese/Italian/French,

When it's nothing but inappropriate catchphrases. I don't think you're in any danger of fangirl language.