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cereta Laughed myself sick on this
Some samples:
'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT.
Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
And WIP!
"I do not see it!"
"It's there. It really is. C'mon, I'll prove it to you, kid. Let's
catch the next showing. I'll buy."
The sparse afternoon matinee crowd ignored the two men who made
their way immediately to the ticket counter after leaving the theater.
The gum-chewing ticket clerk looked up at them with eyes made tiny
by too much liner. Her hair was a frosted blonde confection showing
three inches of brown at the base.
"Two for Empire," Rick Simon insisted.
"Like, five dollars," she half-slurred, half-whined.
"I'll be glad when this Valley-girl trend passes," AJ said to his brother
as they walked back into the movie they had just left.
"It will. Bell-bottoms went out, didn't they? Popcorn?"
"Nah, I've still got grease on my teeth from the last showing."
"I'm goin' for Milk Duds." Rick returned, dropping a large box of M&M's
into AJ's lap, just as the opening exposition scroll began.
"It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed--" AJ began reading
"That's really annoying. You always do that. I'm the one who taught you to read.
Listen to the voice tone in this opening dialogue."
AJ listened patiently, not hearing whatever it was Rick was hearing.
He was half-dozing by the time the Echo Base was being evacuated.
Seeing the same movie twice in one day had to be somewhere near
a stake-out on the boredom scale. Come to think of it, last time he
had done it was on a stakeout. This time, Rick had dragged him out to
a Star Wars double feature that a theater was running to promote the
release of the third movie.
"Here it comes." Rick elbowed him hard. "It's the last scene
they have together."
"Luke, you all right?" Han asked from atop the Falcon where he was working.
"Yeah." Luke opened his mouth to say more, but the intensity of Han's look
stopped him. He settled for a smile and turned to go.
"Be careful." Han's words stopped him, and Luke looked back and smiled again.
"You, too." He walked away.
The camera came in for a close up of the brooding stare, and then cut to Chewbacca
looking after Luke, then up at Han.
"Did you see it that time? He never looked at Leia that intensely.
Not even when he's kissing her."
"Yeah, yeah, I saw it." AJ dozed through the rest of the movie,
slightly uncomfortable in his own mind.
***
The door chimed. "I'm looking for Mr. Simon?" The heavy-set
woman looked at the business card again.
"That's me," both men said.
"I'm Cathy Stephens. I called about the security job this weekend?"
"Oh, right," AJ said, sorting through his phone notes. "The
convention thing."
"That's right, BorderCon IV. We're very excited about it."
Her whole face brightened as she warmed to the subject. "We're
so lucky this year. We've managed to book David Warner as our
Guest of Honor. We were hoping for Anthony Daniels, but with
Return of the Jedi opening this weekend, that whole group is booked."
"Yes, Miss Stephens. What exactly was the nature of the job?"
"We have some very valuable jewelry pieces, not to mention some actual
props from _The Wrath of Khan_, on display in the art show. I'd like
you two to just keep an eye on them. Just unobtrusively
hang around. Most fen are pretty decent people, but there's always one or two..."
"So we keep an eye on this jewelry and these props, for our usual rates?"
Rick asked.
"That's all. We lock the art show down at 9 PM, and reopen at eight in
the morning. We'll need you Friday from noon, all day Saturday and Sunday
until five." AJ ran the numbers through a calculator.
"I think you'll find our fees reasonable." He handed her a slip of paper.
"That will do nicely." She nodded. "Half now, and half Sunday evening."
She scrawled some numbers on a check before handing it over.
"I shall see you Friday at noon. And, gentlemen, please," she gestured to
their clothes, "unobtrusive?" The bell tinkled in her wake.
"Unobtrusive? What's she mean?" AJ fingered his tie.
"I don't know," Rick answered. "But I know someone who does."
***
"Catch!"
AJ caught the parcel just before it hit him in the nose. It was wrapped
in brown paper and tied with string. "What is it?"
"It's unobtrusiveness. Open it."
"Brown paper. You didn't get this at one of those sleazy shops downtown,
did you?"
"No. Gordy's Novelty. Now open it."
AJ untied the string. He hadn't seen a package done like this since he was a kid.
He unfolded the paper and looked at the garment. He unfolded the jacket and a lightsaber handle fell out.
"No. Rick, you did not do this."
"Yes, I did." Rick was leaning over the back of his chair, running hands
over his arms, and whispering in his ear. "Trust me, kid, it'll be fun."
"Last time you said that, I nearly drowned when the boat capsized."
"No boats. Just you and me, a nice dry hotel, a couple thousand weirdos and this." Rick fingered the beige cloth.
"I'll regret asking. Do you have one too?"
"For a PI you didn't pick up very fast. If I disappeared, what would you
tell Janet I was wearing?"
AJ took a better look at his brother. "I suppose the black jacket is in the car?
You really should shave to do this right."
"But you will be perfect. There are _girls_ dressed as Han Solo. A mustache
isn't going to raise any eyebrows."
"This is one of the weirdest cases we've done."
AJ repeated himself as he walked into the hotel lobby.
The costume was surprisingly comfortable, but he wasn't sure he
liked the attention it drew. Not that he had anything against
feminine attention, he just liked it to come from girls legally able
to drive a car. Fortunately, most of his adolescent admirers were
too shy to approach him.
Cathy Stephens was at the registration desk. She smiled up at the brothers
and handed them their badges.
"No 'Staff' ribbon?" Rick asked.
"You're undercover."
"So how do we explain hanging out in the art show all day?"
Cathy handed him a sketch pad and pencils, with a smile.
"Now go. You're drawing attention."
"We trade every hour," Rick said as they made their way through
the various aliens, princesses and elves. "I'll go first. You wander,
looking for anything suspicious."
"Everything looks suspicious. Including them." AJ nodded to two
girls in long dresses with painted designs around the hem. They saw
him looking and turned away giggling to whisper to each other.
"They think you're cute. I can back 'em off you quick tho'."
Rick draped one possessive arm around his brother, and turned him gently
away from the girls. They watched, a half-disgusted look on their
faces. Rick looked over his shoulder, blew them a kiss and winked at
them. They wrinkled their noses and flounced into the dealers' room. "I guarantee that within two hours every nubile adolescent girl in the hotel will
know you're gay. Now go mingle."
"I am not gay!" AJ protested.
"Not so loud. Keeps the teeny-boppers away. The older women think it's a
challenge." Rich disappeared into the art show.
"Brothers are such a mixed blessing," AJ grumbled as he wandered through
the game room. There didn't seem to be any recognizable games, just lots
of paper, pencils and dice of all shapes and sizes. He looked at the little
three sided pyramid more closely.
"Which way does the north passage go?" a befuddled player asked. He left
chuckling as the table broke into laughter.
In the dealers' room, he looked over the stacks of comics, books, buttons,
clothing, and other paraphernalia. A couple of girls looked him over, and
one mouthed "queer?" at the other.
Her friend said softly, "Yeah. What a waste. He's cute."
"Darn you, Rick." He wandered into the main hall, where
an actor was talking about his upcoming movie. He listened with half
an ear as he read the con program. His watch pinged and
he relieved Rick.
Rick took his turn through the convention, watching everyone.
A bunch of guys in hammered-out road signs and freon-tank helmets
were whacking each other with sticks in a roped-off area. He listened
in on conversations, but that only left him more confused. For
every reference he understood, two more confounded him. He'd figured out the men were "fighters" but had no idea why the cordoned off area was being called "the Erik."
He paused in the dealer room at a table with a sign that read "you must be over 18 to read these zines." He picked up one of the photocopied saddle-stapled digests and thumbed through it before replacing it with a bit too much haste. Captain Kirk as a centerfold was more than he was ready to deal with. One, with a drawing of Spock, caught his attention. A 3x5 card paperclipped to the cover said "slash."
"So, uh, this is really violent, huh?" he asked the woman behind the counter. "Spock with a chainsaw and all that?"
"No, it's romance." She looked him over a little closer and seemed to recognize him. "You might like it. It's Kirk and Spock together." She lowered her voice. "I'm sorry we don't have any Star Wars zines. Lucasfilm keeps the fan activity strictly PG rated." She was almost whispering. "But since you're gay, I can let you have a look at this one." She pulled out another magazine. "The
Han-Luke slash is on page 20, right after the Starsky and Hutch."
Word traveled fast among the fans, it seemed. He wondered if he'd regret having passed his brother off as his lover.
AJ had used the sketch pad to make unobtrusive notes on the various fans as they wandered through the show. A couple of the older women gave him appraising looks, but most of the men sneered down their noses as he sat sketching and noting. One in tights and a very large hat with a pile of blue feathers on it sat down beside him and looked over his shoulder at the drawing.
"Not bad. Your perspective's a bit off on the phaser. I'm Stephan."
"AJ." Stephan took his extended hand and lingered a bit too long, an interested look in his large brown eyes.
"So you're into Star Wars, huh? You really look the part. Are you in the masquerade tonight?"
"The costume was my partner's idea." AJ had the suspicion that Stephan had gotten word too, and was hitting on him.
Stephan's face fell. "You're taken." He looked up and saw Rick entering the art room. "And I'll bet that's him, isn't it?"
"Yep. Sorry."
Stephan moved on, staring at the art, and pointedly not looking at Rick. AJ briefed his brother, and left.
He was three steps out of the room when Rick bellowed "AJ! Problem!"
The phaser, and the opal jewelry were gone.
cereta Laughed myself sick on this Some samples:
'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT.
Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
And WIP!
"I do not see it!"
"It's there. It really is. C'mon, I'll prove it to you, kid. Let's
catch the next showing. I'll buy."
The sparse afternoon matinee crowd ignored the two men who made
their way immediately to the ticket counter after leaving the theater.
The gum-chewing ticket clerk looked up at them with eyes made tiny
by too much liner. Her hair was a frosted blonde confection showing
three inches of brown at the base.
"Two for Empire," Rick Simon insisted.
"Like, five dollars," she half-slurred, half-whined.
"I'll be glad when this Valley-girl trend passes," AJ said to his brother
as they walked back into the movie they had just left.
"It will. Bell-bottoms went out, didn't they? Popcorn?"
"Nah, I've still got grease on my teeth from the last showing."
"I'm goin' for Milk Duds." Rick returned, dropping a large box of M&M's
into AJ's lap, just as the opening exposition scroll began.
"It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed--" AJ began reading
"That's really annoying. You always do that. I'm the one who taught you to read.
Listen to the voice tone in this opening dialogue."
AJ listened patiently, not hearing whatever it was Rick was hearing.
He was half-dozing by the time the Echo Base was being evacuated.
Seeing the same movie twice in one day had to be somewhere near
a stake-out on the boredom scale. Come to think of it, last time he
had done it was on a stakeout. This time, Rick had dragged him out to
a Star Wars double feature that a theater was running to promote the
release of the third movie.
"Here it comes." Rick elbowed him hard. "It's the last scene
they have together."
"Luke, you all right?" Han asked from atop the Falcon where he was working.
"Yeah." Luke opened his mouth to say more, but the intensity of Han's look
stopped him. He settled for a smile and turned to go.
"Be careful." Han's words stopped him, and Luke looked back and smiled again.
"You, too." He walked away.
The camera came in for a close up of the brooding stare, and then cut to Chewbacca
looking after Luke, then up at Han.
"Did you see it that time? He never looked at Leia that intensely.
Not even when he's kissing her."
"Yeah, yeah, I saw it." AJ dozed through the rest of the movie,
slightly uncomfortable in his own mind.
***
The door chimed. "I'm looking for Mr. Simon?" The heavy-set
woman looked at the business card again.
"That's me," both men said.
"I'm Cathy Stephens. I called about the security job this weekend?"
"Oh, right," AJ said, sorting through his phone notes. "The
convention thing."
"That's right, BorderCon IV. We're very excited about it."
Her whole face brightened as she warmed to the subject. "We're
so lucky this year. We've managed to book David Warner as our
Guest of Honor. We were hoping for Anthony Daniels, but with
Return of the Jedi opening this weekend, that whole group is booked."
"Yes, Miss Stephens. What exactly was the nature of the job?"
"We have some very valuable jewelry pieces, not to mention some actual
props from _The Wrath of Khan_, on display in the art show. I'd like
you two to just keep an eye on them. Just unobtrusively
hang around. Most fen are pretty decent people, but there's always one or two..."
"So we keep an eye on this jewelry and these props, for our usual rates?"
Rick asked.
"That's all. We lock the art show down at 9 PM, and reopen at eight in
the morning. We'll need you Friday from noon, all day Saturday and Sunday
until five." AJ ran the numbers through a calculator.
"I think you'll find our fees reasonable." He handed her a slip of paper.
"That will do nicely." She nodded. "Half now, and half Sunday evening."
She scrawled some numbers on a check before handing it over.
"I shall see you Friday at noon. And, gentlemen, please," she gestured to
their clothes, "unobtrusive?" The bell tinkled in her wake.
"Unobtrusive? What's she mean?" AJ fingered his tie.
"I don't know," Rick answered. "But I know someone who does."
***
"Catch!"
AJ caught the parcel just before it hit him in the nose. It was wrapped
in brown paper and tied with string. "What is it?"
"It's unobtrusiveness. Open it."
"Brown paper. You didn't get this at one of those sleazy shops downtown,
did you?"
"No. Gordy's Novelty. Now open it."
AJ untied the string. He hadn't seen a package done like this since he was a kid.
He unfolded the paper and looked at the garment. He unfolded the jacket and a lightsaber handle fell out.
"No. Rick, you did not do this."
"Yes, I did." Rick was leaning over the back of his chair, running hands
over his arms, and whispering in his ear. "Trust me, kid, it'll be fun."
"Last time you said that, I nearly drowned when the boat capsized."
"No boats. Just you and me, a nice dry hotel, a couple thousand weirdos and this." Rick fingered the beige cloth.
"I'll regret asking. Do you have one too?"
"For a PI you didn't pick up very fast. If I disappeared, what would you
tell Janet I was wearing?"
AJ took a better look at his brother. "I suppose the black jacket is in the car?
You really should shave to do this right."
"But you will be perfect. There are _girls_ dressed as Han Solo. A mustache
isn't going to raise any eyebrows."
"This is one of the weirdest cases we've done."
AJ repeated himself as he walked into the hotel lobby.
The costume was surprisingly comfortable, but he wasn't sure he
liked the attention it drew. Not that he had anything against
feminine attention, he just liked it to come from girls legally able
to drive a car. Fortunately, most of his adolescent admirers were
too shy to approach him.
Cathy Stephens was at the registration desk. She smiled up at the brothers
and handed them their badges.
"No 'Staff' ribbon?" Rick asked.
"You're undercover."
"So how do we explain hanging out in the art show all day?"
Cathy handed him a sketch pad and pencils, with a smile.
"Now go. You're drawing attention."
"We trade every hour," Rick said as they made their way through
the various aliens, princesses and elves. "I'll go first. You wander,
looking for anything suspicious."
"Everything looks suspicious. Including them." AJ nodded to two
girls in long dresses with painted designs around the hem. They saw
him looking and turned away giggling to whisper to each other.
"They think you're cute. I can back 'em off you quick tho'."
Rick draped one possessive arm around his brother, and turned him gently
away from the girls. They watched, a half-disgusted look on their
faces. Rick looked over his shoulder, blew them a kiss and winked at
them. They wrinkled their noses and flounced into the dealers' room. "I guarantee that within two hours every nubile adolescent girl in the hotel will
know you're gay. Now go mingle."
"I am not gay!" AJ protested.
"Not so loud. Keeps the teeny-boppers away. The older women think it's a
challenge." Rich disappeared into the art show.
"Brothers are such a mixed blessing," AJ grumbled as he wandered through
the game room. There didn't seem to be any recognizable games, just lots
of paper, pencils and dice of all shapes and sizes. He looked at the little
three sided pyramid more closely.
"Which way does the north passage go?" a befuddled player asked. He left
chuckling as the table broke into laughter.
In the dealers' room, he looked over the stacks of comics, books, buttons,
clothing, and other paraphernalia. A couple of girls looked him over, and
one mouthed "queer?" at the other.
Her friend said softly, "Yeah. What a waste. He's cute."
"Darn you, Rick." He wandered into the main hall, where
an actor was talking about his upcoming movie. He listened with half
an ear as he read the con program. His watch pinged and
he relieved Rick.
Rick took his turn through the convention, watching everyone.
A bunch of guys in hammered-out road signs and freon-tank helmets
were whacking each other with sticks in a roped-off area. He listened
in on conversations, but that only left him more confused. For
every reference he understood, two more confounded him. He'd figured out the men were "fighters" but had no idea why the cordoned off area was being called "the Erik."
He paused in the dealer room at a table with a sign that read "you must be over 18 to read these zines." He picked up one of the photocopied saddle-stapled digests and thumbed through it before replacing it with a bit too much haste. Captain Kirk as a centerfold was more than he was ready to deal with. One, with a drawing of Spock, caught his attention. A 3x5 card paperclipped to the cover said "slash."
"So, uh, this is really violent, huh?" he asked the woman behind the counter. "Spock with a chainsaw and all that?"
"No, it's romance." She looked him over a little closer and seemed to recognize him. "You might like it. It's Kirk and Spock together." She lowered her voice. "I'm sorry we don't have any Star Wars zines. Lucasfilm keeps the fan activity strictly PG rated." She was almost whispering. "But since you're gay, I can let you have a look at this one." She pulled out another magazine. "The
Han-Luke slash is on page 20, right after the Starsky and Hutch."
Word traveled fast among the fans, it seemed. He wondered if he'd regret having passed his brother off as his lover.
AJ had used the sketch pad to make unobtrusive notes on the various fans as they wandered through the show. A couple of the older women gave him appraising looks, but most of the men sneered down their noses as he sat sketching and noting. One in tights and a very large hat with a pile of blue feathers on it sat down beside him and looked over his shoulder at the drawing.
"Not bad. Your perspective's a bit off on the phaser. I'm Stephan."
"AJ." Stephan took his extended hand and lingered a bit too long, an interested look in his large brown eyes.
"So you're into Star Wars, huh? You really look the part. Are you in the masquerade tonight?"
"The costume was my partner's idea." AJ had the suspicion that Stephan had gotten word too, and was hitting on him.
Stephan's face fell. "You're taken." He looked up and saw Rick entering the art room. "And I'll bet that's him, isn't it?"
"Yep. Sorry."
Stephan moved on, staring at the art, and pointedly not looking at Rick. AJ briefed his brother, and left.
He was three steps out of the room when Rick bellowed "AJ! Problem!"
The phaser, and the opal jewelry were gone.